


Together Again

by BlossomBlue



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:05:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6179530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlossomBlue/pseuds/BlossomBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikasa Ackerman lives a lonely life. After experiencing a traumatic event at just the age of 16,  she managed to loose every single person if her life who cared about her. Now, 23, and working a dead job, Mikasa meets an old friend, who makes her realize that she can't run away from the past forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first eremika fanfic, and I'm suuuper nervous about posting this, buuuut I've really been trying to get over my fears of posting writing stuffs, so here we are.  
> Big thanks to @littleswagmonster for helping me out with the title, proof reading and motivation in general. Without her there would be a shit ton of errors, so thanks Beth, my chicken nugget.  
> Enjoy Chapter 1!

Chapter 1

Guilt was something that plagued her mind every single day. An hour wouldn’t go by without feeling the need to burst into tears. She struggled with a simple job, working as a librarian. She thought by surrounding herself with fictional books, she could forget, and trap herself within a world that wasn’t the one she was used to- black and white. All colours had left her. She also struggled with simple daily tasks, like cleaning her constantly her messy house, or walking the supermarket to buy food, that she probably wouldn’t even eat. Hunger, and sleep had left her conscious state, but she no longer feared for herself. She didn’t feel much anymore, apart from self hatred, self pity, and guilt. There was simply no other way to express it- Mikasa Ackerman felt guilty, for causing the death of her friends and fellow classmates.

 It had happened years ago; almost too many. Seven long, lonely years Mikasa had suffered with many a things; depression, anxiety, PTSD. She could barely cope on her own, and whilst the thought of having someone there to comfort her sounded nice, she shut anyone out before they got too close. Letting people in would cause them hurt, maybe cause her hurt too. Mikasa was worried that they would leave her, like everyone else in her life had. While she tried not to feel bad for herself, she sometimes couldn’t help it. She indulged herself in self pity every once in a while, knowing no one but herself would judge her for it, for they could not see it.  
Mikasa rarely left the apartment, aside from her job and the occasional needed shopping trip. She owned black out curtains, only to open when it rained, or when that blue tit came and sung to her. There were only a few things in life she enjoyed; those were two of them. Although her job was kind to her, it took a toll on her. How horrible her life was, stressing over why there was an ‘A’ book in the ‘S’ section. Sometimes, she swore someone did this on purpose to mess with her mind. She would spend hours and hours, working late into the night just tidying the book, putting them in their correct places. It occupied her mind for a while, so her tiring arms and late night walks back never seemed to bother her much.

 One thing that seemed to bother her though, was seeing other people happy. She hated herself for it, but she cursed everyone who had happiness in their life. These were selfish thoughts, but she didn’t care. When she walked down the street, and saw a couple holding hands, or a group of girls laughing and talking, she often wondered why her life had been doomed to fall into a pit of despair. She pondered why people didn’t stay.  
Two of her closest friends, Eren Jaeger and Armin Alert, left her side when she was 16 years of age. She knew why, and she also knew she deserved it, but still couldn’t help wanting them to stay, to hug her, and tell her everything would be okay, even if she knew it wouldn’t be. Mikasa lost all contact with them as soon as she graduated. She had no clue whether they were alive or dead. A very, very small part of her never wanted to see them again, but the biggest part of her wanted to see them standing at her apartment door, wanting to start everything over. Mikasa wanted to let them know she still cared about them, and that if she could be there with them, she would. When she used to hang around with them at school, in a funny way, she felt like a third wheel. Neither Eren nor Armin was gay, but they constantly acted like it, always flirting with each other. Mikasa found amusement out of this, so they continued. They were always making her laugh, and that was some of the best memories she kept with her.

 Another thing that bugged her about her loss of friendship with Eren was that it was only until afterwards, after she lost him, that she finally recognized her true feelings for him. She loved him. And she never had the chance to tell him, before it was too late. Mikasa had always felt affection for Eren, but chose to ignore it, in fear of losing whatever they already. That she did not know, and probably never will. Mikasa was pretty sure her love was unrequited, but little things Eren did here and there, made her question her thoughts a lot. Armin had recognized that Mikasa had a crush on Eren, but after a stern talking to, he reluctantly promised not say anything to Eren. She pondered if Armin had ever told Eren. Perhaps he told him then, maybe now. Mikasa unraveled in the thought that she would most likely never get any answers to her ever growing list of questions.

Armin was also a huge part of her life. Although he was closer to Eren than he was Mikasa, she never forgot the things he did for her. Her mind kept memories of his straight blonde bob, his cute little smile, and his vibrant ocean eyes. He helped her with studying, helping her write papers the night before they were due, just little things that Mikasa couldn’t help forget. She also remembered he was a huge bookworm, and queried to herself if he would like the library she worked in. Mikasa liked to think that they had a wide range of books. Unfortunately, it had left her mind what type of books he enjoyed, which gave her a degree of disappointment.

 Mikasa remembered Eren clearly, unlike the rest of her fuzzy memory. He was gorgeously tanned, even though he hated being out in the sun, which confused her. He had a cute little button for a nose, which Mikasa always liked to point out. His eyes...were everything. They were a vibrant green, and it reminded her of green grass on an early summers morning, when it had been raining the night before, and the dew drops hadn’t left the blades. Aside from his looks, Eren had a memorable personality. He was selfless; incredibly selfless. He cared about others way more than himself, even sometimes forgetting sometimes to take care of himself. He was also incredibly stupid; especially when he got drunk, when he wasn’t supposed to. He was a lightweight, which was pretty funny for everyone else when he had a hangover, and the teachers smelt the remanence of alcohol on his breath. Eren got into plenty of trouble for that.

 Memories of high school had started to fade since Mikasa graduated, which she couldn’t help. She tried her hardest to cling onto memories; but most parts of her wanted to leave the past exactly where it should be; in the past, because of what happened. Twenty-three, and living on her own, Mikasa moved through the days with an odd presence around her constantly, like she had her own personal rain cloud that never stopped drenching her.

* * *

 

Mikasa rattled the keys that she had in her hand, almost dropping them. She finally managed to open the door to her work, turning the _We’re Open_ sign over to face the outside world, and she shuffled her way inside. She flicked on the light switches under the check out desk where she was seated most of the day, and lights struck on one by one, shimmering across a ray of tables and chairs. The lights soon highlighted the books at the back of the tall open room. The raven began to take the chairs off the tops of the tables, inviting people to sit down and read in the library if they wished to do so. A few people had already entered, and doing her job, Mikasa greeted them politely as they quickly walked passed her. Some grunted in response, while others just smiled. Not that Mikasa cared, Just doing her job.

 About half an hour into drumming her pen against her desk, the library began to get pretty busy. It was about half ten on a Saturday, so this was the usual. . That was another thing about working in a library; it was peaceful. Mikasa scanned the tops of people’s heads through the quiet rush of books being pulled out and being pushed in, and she played the game she usually played inside her head. _What kind of life do you lead, brown haired gentleman?_ It occupied the time between people taking books in and out. Whilst scanning, Mikasa noticed a young man, maybe twenty- four, with a huge stack on books piling over his head, so she couldn’t see his face. She very quietly chuckled to herself. She studied him for a while, until he plonked the stack of books on the table. Mikasa finally looked at his face and...Dropped her pen. A blonde haired man, with his hair scraped back into a pony tail, wiped sweat of his brow. She recognized him.

Mikasa didn’t know many things in this confusing time in her life, but she was certain she knew who that was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa meets an old friend, and is unable to decide whether is was coincidence or just luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is here! I'm so pumped about this fanfic. I wanted to space out that chapters a little but fuck it, here we go. Again, thank you @littleswagmonster for all proof reading stuffs.   
> Enjoy Chapter 2!

Chapter 2

  
Mikasa couldn’t take her eyes off of him. She knew him; she was certain of this. She raked through her mind to try and bring back any distorted memories she had. She began to worry whether other people would wonder why she was staring strangely at this man; luckily, he himself had not noticed. Where had she seen him before? The man started to look around the room, his blue eyes not searching for anything in particular. His eyes glossed over to Mikasa’s, and they both finally noticed they had been staring at one another for a while. 

Mikasa awkwardly averted her eyes downward, in search of something; anything to pick up on. Her pen. Where was it? She then remembered it had fallen to the floor in her state of panic. She slowly bent down to pick it up, hoping that the man wasn’t watching her. Mikasa pulled herself to the table, and straightened out hair black bob of hair. She made a brave choice to quickly glance at the man. He was no longer looking at her, but rather had his head nuzzled in one of the many books he had at hand. 

About an hour had passed. Customers had been coming and going, yet the man still sat there, reading, to Mikasa’s amazement. She wasn’t able to hold concentration for anything as long as he had. Aside from him, there were only about 3 other people browsing around the corridors of books that lined the room. Mikasa tapped her pen, boredom consuming her mind. _What would she eat tonight? Maybe pasta, if she could be bothered to cook it. Perhaps a takeout, maybe order a-_

“Excuse me...Miss?” 

Mikasa snapped herself out of her food fantasy and shot her head up, blinking rapidly. The man she had been so intrigued by was standing in front of her. She gulped, suddenly terrified of a man she didn’t even know. Mikasa considered the fact that it was because he was rather appealing to look at, but alas, that couldn’t be the reason why her palms were so sweaty. 

“I’d like to take these books out please, if I may.”   
Mikasa slowly looked up at him. His forehead was kind of sweaty, and his eyes were so vibrant. He gave a warm yet awkward smile at her, noticing her lack of a reply. 

"Oh, uh,” Mikasa stuttered, taking the books from him. There were about 6 or 7, so she carefully placed them next to her on the desk. “Of course, Sir.” Mikasa began lazily scanning the books as she always did, but felt his constant presence on her. She then remembered her same boring lines she had to repeat out time and time again. 

“Do you have a loyalty card here at all, Sir?” She asked, not bothering to look up, in fear of another awkward staring session. 

“I do, in fact.” The man started digging in his pockets, leaning to one side to find what Mikasa assumed to be his wallet. He pulled it out, and opened it. Mikasa felt a surge of courage come up from the depths of her soul. She never bothered to make a real effort to talk to anyone unless she absolutely had to, so going out of her way to muster something up was abnormal. 

“I don’t mean to pry,” Mikasa stuttered, “But you seemed to have a lot of books over there. You seem like you’re interested in books a lot, so how come I’ve never seen you here before?” 

The man looked up from his searching with a blank stare. Mikasa felt slightly embarrassed at her random asking. But, with a short cough, he answered. 

“Well, I used to actually come here a lot ages ago. It may have been before you started working here, actually, as I don’t recall you ever seeing you here before. I used to come to study for high school.” He carried on digging for his card, while Mikasa thought of her reply. 

“Yeah, that could have been the case. I started working here about three years ago, after the lady in my current work position died.”   
The man looked down to Mikasa again. “Oh yeah, I remember her! She was really old and mean, and you had to be in total silence in here. Now, seeing as you basically own this place, you don’t seem to mind people chatting.” 

Mikasa chuckled slightly. “Ah, yeah. Who am I to tell some random children to not speak? Everyone that comes in here is okay, so it doesn’t make my job hard. It’s a bit of a dead end job, but a job is a job.” 

He laughed. “Yeah, I know the feeling. Job’s can be so hard to find these days. Ah, finally! Here you are, Miss. Sorry for the wait. ” The blonde said, handing her the card. 

Mikasa gave a warm smile. Something she hadn’t given in a while. “Not at all!” She recited the conversation she just had with the man in her head. He definitely seemed familiar, but she just couldn’t put her finger on it. Why had she come out of her shell, just to speak to him? There was something about him that just made her want to, talk. About everything. 

She scanned the last book, and put it on top of the new pile she had made. She went to scan his card. As it beeped, she looked down at his picture. He had a goofy smile, as if he had been laughing when the picture was taken. She then looked at his name, and her eyes widened. Her heart stopped. Her eyebrows slowly raised, and she dropped the card, making it bouncing on desk. Her hand kept the same position. The name read, 

_Armin Alert._

Mikasa let out a breath that she didn’t know she had been holding. Armin. Armin?! Mikasa refused to let herself think that this was pure coincidence. That is why he had seemed so familiar. She did know him. She did recognize him. Slowly tilting her eyes back up to face him, he plastered a worried look on his face. Seeing him as she knew him now, every little detail fit in place with his new found identity. His hair, his eyes. It all made sense. 

“Ah, Miss? Is my card okay? It’s not expired is it?” 

Should she tell him? Call out to him? Let him know it was her? What if he didn’t remember her...No. Surely he must. Maybe she should stay silent. Say she freaked out for a minute. She wouldn’t have to explain. She wouldn’t have to explain anything to him. 

But she did. 

Mikasa had so much explaining to do. Things left unsaid. Things she never had a chance to say. What happened back then. Why she made the choices she made. She had to tell him. Armin had to listen. He had to know, even if he didn’t want to. Mikasa wanted- needed redemption. Something she never got given back then. She had to prove she wasn’t a bad person. Even if he hated her; even if he didn’t respond. All she wanted was for him to listen to her. So she made, what seemingly to her, was the right choice. 

“Armin...Armin Alert?” She stuttered, almost a faint sob. 

Armin stared at her, confused. “Yes, that’s my name. Is there a problem-“ 

“It’s me, Armin. Mikasa...” She drifted off.

Armin’s eyebrows formed into a straight line. “I’m sorry. I think you have me mistaken with someone else, I don’t know a Mika-“ His eyes were lakes that formed into oceans as they expanded. It had sunk in. Mikasa looked up with tears in her eyes, biting her lip. He stared at her, mouth parted a little. 

“Holy s-shit...Mikasa? Mikasa Ackerman?” She nodded, her eyes glossed with tears.

He did remember her. That wasn’t the whole reason she was crying, though. Mikasa gathered that because he remembered her, he must have had a flash back of the crash, too. 

She also wondered if he hated her. Maybe she had opened herself, told him who she was for no reason. But alas, that was not the case. Armin rushed over behind the desk, as Mikasa whirled around in her swivel chair, standing up to greet him. They paused in front of each other for a short amount of time, drinking each other’s almost new bodies in, before Mikasa cracked out a sob, jolting her head forward, and Armin embraced her in the biggest hug of her life. He gently yet tightly wrapped his arms around her back, as she did the same to him. 

Mikasa slowly opened her eyes, still crying, and noticed that no one was in the library except for Armin. The last time she checked, there had been a few people browsing. At least there was no one in here now, aside from Armin, to see her in a blubbering mess. Armin had a warm smile on his face, with eyes closed. This was the first time in years, Mikasa had received any kind of human contact, and for once, she didn’t condone it. Armin finally pulled back, resting his arms on Mikasa’s shoulders. She brought her own hands up to her face, and used her clammy palm to wipe away glossy tears. 

“I can’t believe it, Mikasa, you..” He stuttered, trying to find the right words. “You look well!” 

Mikasa scoffed. “You do too. I thought I recognized you when I saw you browsing.” 

“Same goes for you. I knew I recognized you. I’m glad you said something, otherwise I wouldn’t have. Listen, Mikasa. I want apologize for not keeping in touch, I feel awful, but you know what happened, and how it is-“ 

Mikasa stopped him by putting her hand up, straightening out her palm. “Armin, stop. It’s okay, “She let out a sad breathy laugh. “Really. I get it. I have a lot more things I need to apologize for, anyway. I want to talk to you, Armin. No, I need to talk to you. I need to let out what I’ve been keeping bottled up for all these years. I have to tell you...everything. Even if you don’t want to respond, or keep in touch afterward. I just need you to listen. Please.” 

She didn’t want to sound desperate, and her small speech seemingly came out of nowhere, but they both knew they had to explain everything. Plus, it would be nice to catch up. 

Armin nodded. “Yeah, okay. I’ll listen. But you have to hear me out too.” Mikasa nodded. “Okay. Not here, though. Not now. When does your work finish?” 

“Not until four and it’s only,” Her eyes flicked to her watch as she pulled up her hand. “Twelve seven-teen.” She huffed. 

“Do you have a pen and paper spare?” 

Mikasa’s head moved from left to right in a hurried dash of searching. Her eyes finally found a post tic note, and luckily, a green pen, next to them. Her favourite colour.   
Armin carefully took it out of her hand, and bent down on her desk, to scribble something down. After about thirty seconds of scribbling, he handed her back the post tic note. She glanced at it. The name of what she assumed was a cafe, was neatly written down. 

“Meet me there after your shift ends. I’m actually going to grab a drink from there now, so I’ll wait for you.” 

Mikasa’s eyes widened a little. “Armin! I don’t expect you to wait for me for like, 5 hours. That’s insane!” She said, huffing and throwing her arm down next to her thigh. Armin gestured to the pile of books Mikasa had scanned what seemed like forever ago. 

“I’m not doing anything else particularly interesting today. I’ll just read. I don’t mind; I will wait for you, Mikasa.” It sounded silly, but hearing her name coming out of another human’s mouth was oddly satisfying, probably due to the fact that no one had uttered her name in so long. 

Mikasa sighed, giving in. “Okay, if your sure. But I still feel bad.” 

Armin chuckled, shoving his card back into his jean pockets. He then pulled out a bag, and carefully dropped the pile of books in there. He made his way over to the door, turning back as they automatically opened.   
“Well, don’t. I’ll be fine. I’ll have a drink for you ready when you get there. Still black coffee with a pinch of sugar?” 

Armin took Mikasa’s stunned face at his memory, as a yes. He gave her a warm smile, and headed out the door. 

Mikasa looked at her shaking hands as she sat back down. She finally got the thing she was after, a chance to explain, but now that it was actually happening, she couldn’t help but worry. She just hoped deep down, that she could say her part right. She deserved that much, at least.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After meeting up with Armin, Mikasa gushes a pathetic apology, and through a slip of the tongue, finds out Eren is alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, due to procrastinating, I haven't uploaded a new chapter in what I think, is a short while. This literally took me 5 hours to write, I have no idea why it took so long. Probably because I kept changing song every 5 seconds. Again, thanks to my lovely helper, @littleswagmonster for all the stuffs and things, it's very much appreciated.  
> Enjoy Chapter 3!

Chapter 3

  
The cold temperature confused Mikasa, as it was the middle of April. Her confusion lead to her pulling her scarf over her moth, in a desperate attempt to try and warm herself up. She had begun walking to the cafe Armin had scribbled down on a flaky post it note. _Trost Cafe._ He had also written down that it was about a ten minute walk, and Mikasa was surprised by this, as she had never even heard of this cafe, yet it seemed so local to her. Her work was only a five minute walk, so how had she never heard of this place before?   
The raven’s black ankle boots paced along the messy pathway, littered with old newspapers written with forgotten stories. Mikasa didn’t let anyone catch on, but it was the small things in life like that, that seemed to please her. 

Anxiety soon soaked her mind as she came closer to her destination. Mikasa had so many things that needed to be explained; and it had to come from her. She knew Armin would understand; he was like that. He never had prejudice against anyone. Even if a person had done something wrong against him or someone else, he refused to make judgement unless he had heard both sides out thoroughly. Maybe that’s why he seemed so surprised and open, to talk to her again. It was a selfish thought, but Mikasa couldn’t help but think what would of happened if it was Eren browsing the many books on display, not Armin. 

For one, Eren wouldn’t even be there. He always hated reading, studying, anything to do with writing. But, forgetting that very important factor, Mikasa played the scene out in her head regardless. Would he have even recognized her? Perhaps. Even if he did, he probably would of left right away. Something that always baffled the raven was how Eren and Armin were complete opposites, yet they remained as tight as ever. Armin was a bookworm, with a love of literature and classical music. His personality was also far different from Eren’s. He was gentle, and always had the best intentions in mind. Optimistic about most things, means he was very hard working, and so full of life. 

Eren on the other hand, was a lazy slacker, who indulged in procrastinating things right until the last minute. Mikasa recalled the amount of times Armin had saved his apathetic ass in high school, from the lack of assignments he used to do. He became enraged at many things, and quickly. Her memory was jogged again; remembering the time Eren sat herself and Armin down to tell them he did suffer with something they knew he had all along. She wondered if he still struggled with anger issues to this day. She hoped for his sake, he didn’t, or at the very least, it had cleared up a little bit.   
Carried by her thoughts, and the gentle breeze, Mikasa stopped, her boots scuffing, outside of Trost Cafe. She gulped, knowing she would come back out with or without a reunited bond. She thought about ambling away, with defeat soaking her already glistening eyes. But alas, Mikasa was done with running away. She knew this day would come eventually, something she had been waiting for, for so long. Something she had feared and craved at the same time. This was it. 

A small pale, shaky hand pushed open a glass door, and Mikasa stepped inside the cafe. The scent of sweet coffee filled her nostrils, and she relished it as much as she could, as she knew the smell would soon fade into the norm. Her deep azure eyes scanned the small shop, searching for a blonde pony tail. After about twenty seconds, she found him, nose buried in a book she didn’t recognize. Armin peered over the cover, and gave a small smile, raising his pale hand a little to give an almost wave. Mikasa shut her eyes and smiled back.

“What took you so long?” Armin inquired, as Mikasa was pushing in her chair behind her. She took a look at her coffee, still slightly steaming. “It’s only about a ten minute walk.” 

Mikasa’s eyes widened a little as she searched for the nearest clock. Seeing that it was twenty two minutes past five, she looked at Armin with a worried expression. 

“I’m sorry. I’m really nervous, so I was kind of out of it when I was walking.” Armin placed a bookmark in his book, and carefully placed the book down on the wooden table. He gave a reassuring smile. 

“No need to apologize, you know me.” 

Mikasa almost gave a scoff. “Do I?” She mumbled under her breath, looking down at her drink. She kind of wished she could take it back. Armin looked at her and sighed. 

“I don’t want this to be awkward, for either of us. If your thinking about apologizing; don’t. Or at the very least, save it for the end.” Mikasa sighed, and nodded in agreement before taking a sip out of her lukewarm black coffee. 

“But before of all of this depressing crap-” Mikasa giggled, interrupting Armin. “What?”

“When did you take up swearing?” She asked, placing her cup back down, and folding her arms on the table, giving an almost smirk. 

Armin rolled his eyes. ”Crap is hardly a swear word. Anyway, how is life treating you? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.” 

Mikasa smiled, shutting her eyes slowly. _Still as kind as ever,_ she thought. “It’s been fine,” She lied sadly through her teeth. “A little lonely, but it’s whatever.” 

Armin smiled sadly. “I guess that’s partly my fault, huh.” Mikasa’s eyes widened. 

“Hey, none of that yet! I’m fine. W-what about you? How are things your end?” Her voice wavered a little. 

Armin beamed out another smile, brushing his fringe out of his eyes. “It’s been okay, great, actually! I’ve got a shitty job at Starbucks,” Mikasa scoffed out a laugh, “I know I know, hipster alert. It pays decent I guess, so it’s whatever.” 

Mikasa took another sip of her drink. “Done anything exciting recently?” 

“I wouldn’t say it’s exciting, but my girlfriend and I attended a party last week. It was actually for my friend Jean, you know, the guy who had the hots for you back in high school. “ 

Mikasa remembered him. Jean constantly tired to impress her, but alas, failed miserably. She wasn’t even sure if he still liked her, after what happened. He stopped talking to her, like everyone else had. Mikasa went over the sentence Armin had just said to her in her head. The word girlfriend had appeared. Wait...Armin...girlfriend? 

Mikasa almost spat out her drink she had just taken. “Armin?! You have a girlfriend?!” 

He nodded proudly, with his eyes closed. “Her names Annie.” 

“Well, you got a picture of her?” Armin nodded again, pulling out his phone. “Never did I ever think that you, Armin Alert, would get a girlfriend.” He chuckled, unlocking his phone. He scrolled through his photos, his eyebrows furrowed, trying to find the perfect picture. He finally held up his phone. 

The picture showed Armin, kissing his girlfriend’s cheek, with his eyes shut. She seemed slightly irritated by it, but at the same time, didn’t mind. Her face was turned slightly away from the camera, and her arms were hugging a green pillow. Armin had his hands around her waist, and his face was completely turned. They both seemed to blushing, and were sat on their couch. 

“She’s cute. Where d’you find her?” 

Armin flipped the phone back towards him, and smiled at his phone. “As cheesy as it sounds, it was at work. She was arguing with the manager because he was being an ass. She was screaming, making a scene the whole cafe could enjoy. I stuck up for her, and after she ran out, I followed her. She thanked me, and we started talking from there. She quit the day after it all happened, and as it would have been nice to work together, I wouldn’t want her working around my ass of a boss.” 

Mikasa smiled, draining the last of her coffee. “You’re right, that is pretty cheesy. But it’s still cute. Do you guys live together?” 

Armin sighed. “I probably shouldn’t be saying much, but Annie’s Father is in pretty bad shape, so she has to live with him to take care of him. I don’t mind, though.” 

Mikasa nodded politely. “That picture was sweet, although it looked like she was just about to kill you. You both seem occupied, so who took it?” 

“A friend.” Armin said blankly, staring off the side of Mikasa. She pondered for a moment why he decided not to tell her, but left the thought alone. 

Mikasa gave a slight smirk, raising her thin eyebrows. “I still remember when 15 year old Armin stated, and I quote, “I never want a girlfriend! They seem like way too much work! I’m going to focus on my life instead!” What happened to that, huh?” They both chuckled. 

“Well, life has a way of changing things, whether it is for the better, or worse.” 

Mikasa’s eyes dropped to the table, in a desperate attempt to escape the conversation she could no longer postpone. “I know that all too well.” 

Armin sighed. “I don’t expect you to recall everything. You might not even remember. But you asked of me what I can’t get out of my head. Whatever you have to say, I will listen to you, Mikasa.” 

She cursed her loose tear ducts, as her eyes welled up with tears, glistening in the light over their table. She looked up at Armin, and his expression changed from soft to slight shock, when he saw her eyes filling up with water. 

“Listen, I know we said save apologies for the end, but I can’t help it. I...I...d-dammit! I’m sorry,” She choked out a silent sob, “ I’m so, so sorry, for what I’ve done. For what I did. Due to my selfish behavior, I killed...so many...beautiful, innocent people...my friends...and classmates. I don’t mean to make a scene, I just, I...fuck...” Mikasa laid her head on the wooden table in defeat, almost knocking her empty cup flying. 

“I beg you to take into consideration that I was only sixteen. That doesn’t excuse the whole issue, of course it doesn’t, but I was young, and my arrogance and self pity got in the way others safety...and...it caused me more pain than it did anyone else, I can promise you that. I told you I was fine when in reality, I struggled, for all these years. Pain, guilt, anxiety weighed on my shoulders like a ton of bricks. Not a day goes by where I don’t bleed in my heart for...those precious people’s lives I took.” 

Armin sighed. He desperately wanted to cry with her, but knew if he did, he would give in to forgiveness, something he was not ready to give quite yet. “You didn’t know what did would cause that to happen-“

“No!” Mikasa raised her voice, gaining a few concerned looks from the last few customers of the shop, one couple particular giving them rude looks. Armin gave them an apologetic smile. “I refuse to let anyone defend for me! I won’t have it! It’s all my fault, I know this, I accept this. Moving on is the part that hurts.” Mikasa’s voice was getting louder in a desperate attempt to let Armin hear her words, her pleas. 

Armin came to the conclusion that maybe bringing Mikasa to a cafe to explain everything wasn’t the best idea. He should have known things might get like this. 

“Mikasa, please stop crying. Not here. Things should be explained...somewhere else. Have time to collect your thoughts. Write them down if you have to. You’re spouting apologies and fear.” He pulled his phone from his pocket. It was five to six. Almost closing time, anyway. 

“Listen, how about you give me your number and I’ll text you. We can sort out another time to meet up and discuss this issue. I’ll just kick Eren out of the apartment, and then-“He stopped, eyes widening at what he just said. 

Mikasa’s heart stopped at the word. The name. _Eren._ Her mouth parted a little, as she slowly looked up at Armin, her eyes forming new tears. Eren. He’s...alive? And Armin...lived with him? So many questions circled her mind, and she knew she wouldn’t get answers to them. A small part of her was happy that they were still friends, but that awful jealous side of her screamed. 

“Eren’s...alive?” 

Armin sighed, closing his eyes. “I might as well tell you what you want to hear. First off, yes, he is alive, where else would he be.” 

“I had no clue.” Mikasa’s position stayed the same. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Obviously. I didn’t want to upset you, or, man, I don’t know. I just thought things would be awkward.”

Mikasa made contact with Armin, taking both of his hands in hers, holding them tightly. Armin noticed that they were pretty sweaty, which was to be expected. Armin knew what was to come next. 

Her eyes gave an early plea. “Let me see him-“ 

Armin interrupted her. “Mikasa, I really don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t think he would have any interest in talking to you again.” 

Armin’s hand tightened in her grip. He felt awful having to tell her, but he wasn’t a lair. She might as well know the cold hard truth then have Eren shatter it for her. “How would you know that?” 

“Well, I just sort of gathered, seeing as the last time-“ 

Mikasa let go of his hands, and folded her arms. “Yeah, I know what happened.” She sighed and closed her eyes. Defeat seemed impending, but Mikasa refused to give up just yet. 

“Call him.” She spoke firmly. 

“What?” 

Mikasa looked him deep in the eyes.”You heard me. Call him. Right now. Tell him, you saw me today. We met up. We talked. I want to see what he says.” 

Armin pondered at the idea. It was ridiculous. In a weird way, it felt like he was betraying Eren. He didn’t want to do that to his best friend. 

“Mikasa, I can’t-“

“Armin!” She snapped. He jumped in his seat a little. “I’m not asking you for much. Just one simple phone call. I’ll have my answer then. Please. If you wait, after this, I’ll leave you alone. Just, do this for me. Please, Armin.” 

Armin sighed. He couldn’t believe he was actually considering this shit. Mikasa was right; it was just a simple phone call. Eren wouldn’t get mad at him, would he? Of course not. Eren’s changed. A lot. Enough for Armin to know that he won’t boil up at petty things like this. “Fine,” Armin muttered, “But you owe me. Big time.” 

Mikasa nodded eagerly. “Of course, anything.” 

Armin pulled out his phone sighing once more, and unlocked it. He got up his contacts, and scrolled down to ‘E’. He quickly found Eren’s name, and went on his profile. A picture of Eren with two carrots up either nostril of his nose, greeted the blonde. He lightly pressed the blue phone, and held it to his ear. It started dialing. 

“Can you hear it?” He asked. Mikasa nodded. She felt a knot tighten in her stomach. She was about to hear it. His voice.How different it would sound. The raven braced herself. 

“What am I even suppose to say?” 

Mikasa shrugged.”Just make it up as you go, I guess. But don’t say your here with me now, say you met me earlier.” Armin gave a quick nod of approval. His eyes widened slightly as Eren picked up his phone. 

“Hey, Eren.” 

_“Hey, Ar. What’s up?”_

His voice...didn’t sound different at all. Sure, a little deeper maybe. But he still sounded like...Eren. He felt like he was just a hands reach away from her. 

“So, uh, you’ll never guess who I saw today...” 

_“Ah, who? Was it Hannes? Old bastard, haven’t seen him in a while. Was it him?”_

Armin let out a nervous chuckle. “No, it wasn’t Hannes. It was...uh...” 

_“Come on, Ar, surprise me. Who did you see today that was suuuper important that you felt the need to ring me, while I’m in the gaming zone right now?”_

“It was...uh...it was Mikasa.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa finds her old diary, recalls the events leading up to the incident, and gets given a final chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a flashback bit in this chapter, I was considering writing it all in italics, but the diary was written like that, so I decided against it. I hope I made it easy to establish where it starts and ends. Thanks to my bebby @littleswagmonster (am I going to credit her every time? damn right I am.)   
> Enjoy Chapter 4!

Chapter 4

A beating heart. That was all she could seem to hear during the silence. That long, awful muffled crackling sound, you hear when someone is gone, or doesn’t know how to respond. She pondered at what Eren’s response would be. Maybe anger, or perhaps happiness. 

“Uh...E-Eren?” 

Still no response. Armin slowly raised his eyes back to Mikasa, who made a sad expression. 

_“Y-yeah, I’m here. M...Mikasa, huh? Our Mikasa?”_

Our Mikasa. Her heart skipped another beat. Maybe things wouldn’t be as difficult as she first thought they would be. 

“Yeah, Mikasa Ackerman.” Armin said quietly. 

Another awkward pause. _“I see. Where d’you meet her?”_

“Uh, you know that old library I used to go to, to study for high school. There. She works there.” 

_“Pfft. What’s she doing working in a library?”_ Eren let out a scoff, Mikasa could tell through the muffled speaker.

“I didn’t ask. A jobs a job, though.” 

The amount of silences made Mikasa wonder if Eren had changed in all this time. The chance was very likely, as it had been seven years. Eren never used to leave people hanging on broken sentences. He always had something to say. 

_“So, is that all you called me for, Ar? To reminisce about Mikasa? I thought I told you I didn’t want to ever talk about Mika- her again.”_

The words he spoke were cold and felt like daggers to her chest. She felt old wounds re opening back up, and it hurt. 

“No Eren, I have to tell you-“ 

_“Arnin!”_ Eren snapped. _“We’re done here. How can you just openly talk to her like I assume you did? She betrayed us-“_

“Eren! Listen to me! She expressed an interest in...In seeing you again. Eren, she’s sorry. She’s going to try and mend what she has done. Only if you’ll let her in.” 

_“I refuse to. Not after what she did. We’re done here.”_

Armin’s face sunk, as he pulled back his phone from his ear. He glanced at it, seeing Eren’s goofy face. He looked up, feeling like he let Mikasa down. A fresh tear fell out of her deep azure eyes, smiling sadly. 

“Mikasa, I’m so sorry-“ 

She held up a shaky hand, stopping his speech. Mikasa stood up, her heat beat all over the place, wobbling slightly. “It’s okay, Armin. It’s okay.” She wiped tears from her cheeks. 

“This is it. This is all I deserve. I understand now. I shouldn’t have ever said anything back at the library. I told you by the end of the phone call, I’d have my answer. And I do. I do. Thank you for everything you’ve done for

me, Armin. I’ll leave you alone you now.” 

And with that, Mikasa left her chance of redemption, in the cafe.

* * *

 

She felt so dumb for crying about it. Mikasa knew deep down, that this was going to happen to her. She knew she didn’t deserve any kind of redemption, and the fact she managed to make Armin make that phone call for her, was all the proof she needed that she had to stay the hell away from them. At least she knew they were both okay, and that’s the only thing she could of hoped for, in reality. 

Mikasa slowly circled around the wine in the fancy champagne glass, staring at it, and not really paying attention to anything. She sat on her windowsill, staring at out the looming grey sky, and the sulking rain. She always thought that whenever it rained, it was the most beautiful time of the day. The way it splashed onto top of roofs, or how it dripped from trees, forming puddles underneath, that maybe someone would accidentally step in.There was water inside Mikasa’s house, too. It glistened down her soft cheeks. 

Pondering at her future was something Mikasa did on a daily basis, if there even was one to be had. She speculated if she would always be alone, but then scolded herself afterward. She never let anyone get in to try. The frail girl had shut so many doors, that it seemed practically impossible for anyone to get in anymore. The thoughts of meeting Armin some days ago fluttered into her head. Mikasa seemed so open to talk to him; she actually opened up to him...something she hadn’t done in a while, for anyone. Mikasa couldn’t bear to cut Armin out of her life just yet. She actually spoke better, clearly, when she was with him. That had to have meant something for her. 

Feeling the urge to arise from her seat, Mikasa stood up, facing her door, which also happened to be a window. She saw her distorted reflection on a grey sky. It represented her, she thought.   
Mikasa lazily grabbed the white handle, and pulled the door open slightly to let a soft breeze in. Suddenly, the friendly neighborhood black cat jumped down with a wet slap, onto her balcony outside, and ran inside with a shake, soaking Mikasa’s bare pale feet. She squealed, making the black cat, which Mikasa quickly remembered its name to be Midnight due to her encounters with her collar on, run across Mikasa’s bedroom floor. Midnight jumped on her bed, leaving quick wet paw prints across the bed sheets. 

“Midnight!” Mikasa hissed. 

Midnight flew smack into Mikasa’s wardrobe. Midnight being a rather large, yet fast cat, managed to make the whole wardrobe shake. Situated at the top, were some shelves, with piles of junk that was never sorted. A box, along with a few books Mikasa had probably read about a thousand times, came crashing down, which led to a terrified Midnight bounding out of the door, back onto the balcony. 

Before Mikasa could scold Midnight, she was gone. Mikasa cursed, and wondered if black cats were lucky or unlucky creatures to tango with. She shut the door with a slight slam, wanting to cause no more trouble. She shook off her feet that were still slightly damp, and trudged over to her wardrobe, to pick up the mess Midnight had made. 

She bent down, and picked the 3 books that fell. Three fairly familiar titles. _Pride and Prejudice, To Kill a Mockingbird, Of Mice and Men._ Her three most favourite books. Mikasa had read these countless times, letting herself get lost in a world of fiction. She was a quick reader, so could easily beat one on a lazy Sunday afternoon. The raven stood on her tip toes, tucking the precious books beside each other. Her eyes glossed back down to what was left on the floor. An upside down box. Thinking the contents of the little cardboard box was empty, she picked it up, letting everything fall out, or flutter down, making a light thump sound.

She cursed again, bending down, knees up to her chest. She picked up the few bits of card. Turning them over, she was greeted with a picture she must have taken back in High School. A sixteen year old Mikasa was making a piece sign with eyes closed. Her fingers were close to her cheek. Eren was next to her, two fingers in either end of his mouth, sticking his tongue out. Armin next to Eren, in mid laugh when the photo was taken. Mikasa couldn’t recall why the photo was being taken, but it reformed tears in her eyes. 

She picked up the next photo. And the next. They were all photos of her, Eren and Armin, together, looking-being happy. Mikasa gathered them all up and tossed them to the side. Why had she kept them?   
After wiping a few tears from her moist eyes, she reached a shaky hand for a scruffy looking brown book. It had fallen onto an open page. Mikasa soon recalled the book, as her old teen diary. She braced herself for what entry was soon to find its way into her memories. 

* * *

 

_12th September, 2016 @10:20_

_Dear Diary,_

_Sorry my hand writing is a little messy; I’m currently on a coach trip to some museum with my class. I actually really don’t want to be here. I feel kind of ill, and so many little things are pissing me off. I’ve had my seat down because Eren and Armin are sitting behind me together. I’m not sitting next to anyone, but its okay, more room for my bag I guess._

_I’ve just put my seat up because I wanted to write today, and I didn’t know when I’d have the chance to, so I figure I might as well write now. Eren doesn’t get why I write in this thing, but it’s not just me, Armin has one too! It’s a good way to let all your thoughts out._

_One thing that has been annoying constantly me is Hitch Dryse. Ugh, she’s so frustrating. She is sitting behind Eren with Petra accompanying her, and she has been flirting with him THE ENTIRE RIDE. What’s worse is, I think she knows that I like Eren, so every ten seconds she’d make evil eye contact with me. Bitch. I’ve never liked her. I think she’s spreading it, too. I’ll get her back. I will._

_Every little thing someone does is pissing me off. I can’t take it; I’m really not in the mood right now. Why are we even going, how is this trip going to help my learning? Most people in my class probably think of this as a doss. I guess it is for them, but I actually want to pass, unlike some people. If only I could stop this trip somehow. Maybe if the coach broke down, we’d have no choice but to go home! Oh, I could just go home, and catch up on The Walking Dead!_

_I could do it, couldn’t I? Maybe if I messed around with the engine, or the tires? Maybe the coach would break down! It’s worth a shot. I just remembered Hitch is in my assigned group, along with Eren and Armin, and I AM NOT putting up with her longer than I have to. Alright, I’ll try. Hopefully we’ll stop for a gas break or something soon. I’ll report back if mission was successful!_

Suddenly, a swooping hand came down on Mikasa’s mind, and snatched the diary right out of her hands. She glanced up, anger in her eyes, seeking for whoever the asshole was. 

“Eh-hum,” Of course. Connie Springer. “Dear Diary,” He read out, in an incredibly high pitched ‘girly’ voice.   
“Hey, give that back, asshole!” Mikasa raised her voice, reaching over her bag to snatch it back from Connie when he wasn’t looking. 

“Agh, dangit! We could have gotten into the deepest darkest thoughts of Mikasa’s mind!” Sasha said, giggling. She, of course, sat next to Connie. They were nicknamed the Terrible Two, and gladly always lived up to their status, causing havoc wherever they went, sometimes on purpose, other times not. Mikasa gave them a glare, and put away her diary, sealing it up in her bag. She turned to push her chair down, but as she did, the teacher, Mr Smith announced the coach was taking a small stop. 

It was a selfish thought, but as the rest of the class groaned, Mikasa gave a small grin. This was her chance. _  
_

Once the 104th class had loaded off the bus, they were asked to stand at the front of the coach. Hitch practically latched herself onto Eren, and Eren being Eren, didn’t do anything about it. All Mikasa could do was watch, clenching her hand into a fist. She knew she was being selfish, but she couldn’t help it. She gave herself the benefit of the doubt, as naturally anyone would be jealous. 

Armin had noticed Mikasa’s silent rage, and decided to confront her about it. He lightly tugged on the sleeve of her top, not knowing if he was going to receive a punch in the face or not. 

She turned to him and her expression softened. “Yeah, Ar?” 

Armin joined Mikasa in watching an almost cringe worthy sight of Hitch clinging onto Eren’s arm. “I know it’s hard for you to watch,” Mikasa looked at him with wide eyes, and a fail looked of confusion was soon plastered across her face. “Mika, come on, you can’t fool me with that. I know you like him.” 

Mikasa looked off awkwardly to the side, folding her arms. “Yeah, well, with the why this is going, I think the whole school is going to know, thanks to Miss Gossip Queen over there.” She angrily glanced in her direction. 

“Come on Mika, you know I’m no love doctor, but there’s no need to get jealous over a little harmless flirting.” Armin said reassuringly. 

“It’s not about that! I’m not jealous,” Mikasa snapped, raising her voice. 

Armin raised his eyebrows, looking away. “Doesn’t look like it at all.” 

Mikasa scoffed, and refused to look at the sight her eyes laid any longer. Now was her chance. She was quite near the back of the group, so she could slip away to the back of the bus without anyone noticing. When Armin was finally distracted, laughing at Marco and Eren’s antics, Mikasa slipped away from the rowdy bunch of teenagers. _  
_

She half jogged to the back of the bus, round to the engine area. Mikasa quickly looked around for something to break; anything she could do to stop this journey. Her eyes drifted toward the tire of the right hand side of the coach. She walked over and put her hands over it, trying to figure out a way to break it or pop it. She found the valve and pulled it out. Air squirted out into her face, and Mikasa recoiled in disgust. This was good, she thought, but not good enough. She crawled slightly under to reach around the back of the wheel, and recoiled her hand immediately, and saw it was covered in oil. Mikasa shook her head, and gingerly put her hand back it, trying to find something, anything to latch onto and screw out of place. She finally found something and twirled it until something dropped onto the floor. She gave a small smile, grabbing it and tossing it into the bushes at the side. She did the exact same thing for the front tire, on the same side. 

She stood up slowly, wiping her mucky hand on her bag. She heard the call back for getting on the coach, and Mikasa couldn’t wait for this day to finally be over soon. Hopefully, it’d break down soon enough on the road, and they’d have no choice but to call it day until help arrived. She could barely wait. _  
_

* * *

 

Tears splashed onto the old wrinkled page. The diary shook in her hand, her other hand over her mouth. Her eyes were wide. How could she have ever written this shit? It was...Damn right horrible...disgusting. Mikasa felt like throwing up. She felt like such a sick and twisted person. She couldn’t use the excuse of being sixteen, as things clearly stated here that she knew what she was doing. 

So she howled. She sobbed her heart out, crying, screaming. She screamed for all the people that lost their lives that day. It should have been her; she was the one who deserved to die. Only her. Mikasa threw the diary at the wall, and continued howling. She clutched her chest, and felt herself burning up. She couldn’t breathe. This was it. _  
_

_Bing._

Mikasa slowly raised her head, and saw her phone sitting on the table a short away from her. The message was from Armin. Her eyes shook with more tears. 

Armin Alert: _I changed his mind. He’ll meet you, Mikasa. Eren will hear you out._

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After several somewhat serious chats, Mikasa gets a somewhat small insight into what life has been like without her, and is met with some familiar eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so long. That wasn't on purpose, I just kinda got carried away, and things didn't happen that probably should of happened. I've been really compelled to write a lot recently, so hopefully you won't have to wait too much longer for stuffs! Thanks @littleswagmonster, you beautiful human being.  
> Enjoy Chapter 5!

Chapter 5

 

It was about an hour before Mikasa replied to Armin’s message. She had lied about why she didn’t reply straight away, saying she was just grocery shopping, and had left her phone at home. This of course led to Armin worrying about how she must of got soaked.

In reality, she might have well as gone out in the ongoing storm like rain. The amount of water inside her little apartment was the same as outside. Mikasa had been sobbing, dealing with PTSD flashbacks, and a migraine from all the crying. She was seated on the sofa, tossing and turning, trying to deal with everything weighing up on her shoulders. She couldn’t do it.

After having a pathetic nap that lasted only ten minutes, surprisingly, Mikasa felt a little better. She checked her phone again, seeing she had received a few more messages from Armin. He did worry a little too much sometimes, but that was just part of his personality. He had requested to Face Time her, to which Mikasa felt a bit uneasy about. She probably looked like a mess, all flushed and weary eyed. None the less she reluctantly agreed, messaging him back. She also wondered why he wanted to Face Time her. _What was wrong with texting...?_

The raven picked herself up off the sofa, and made her way to her bed, sitting crossed legged, and lazily holding her phone up to her face. As the incoming call came in, and finally had a look at herself. She didn’t look to bad, although she thought Armin might be able to notice. She lightly tapped the ‘Accept’ button, and waited until the call connected. Mikasa straightened her hair out a little, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, in a quick and desperate attempt to make herself look presentable.

The call opened, and Mikasa was greeted with a smiling Armin. Mikasa half smiled back.

 _“Hey Mikasa! How was your shopping trip?”_ He said, sorting something out, on what she assumed to be a table. The background was just a plain white wall, but situated right at the end of the screen, far right, Mikasa could just barely see a picture of Armin and his girlfriend. Mikasa smiled a little, seeing that.

Then she realized she had to the answer the question, with honesty, or another lie. Mikasa thought about telling the truth, what she had really been doing within the last hour and a bit, but decided against it, because she didn’t want things to get depressing the minute where everything seemed okay. Mikasa was suppose to be acting happy, Armin had changed Eren’s mind. And she was happy, but the other part of her, the biggest part, felt like she didn’t deserve it.

“It was uh, okay, I guess. I got soaked, it sucked!” She said, letting out a breathy, awkward laugh.

Armin laughed too, a little more enthusiastically then Mikasa did. _“Yeah, I bet! Hey listen, so you got my earlier texts, right? Eren’s agreed to meet you, Mikasa!”_

Mikasa let out a sarcastic scoff. “Yeah, I saw therm. What kind of magic did you work to make that a thing, then?”

_“Aah, a magician never reveals his secrets!”_

Mikasa rolled her eyes, but let out a giggle all the same. “Okay, okay. Seriously though, what made him change his mind?”

_“I just talked about second chances, and how everyone should at least get one. I think he respects that more than he did when he was younger, and you knew Eren back then. He was very judgemental, and quick to leap to prejudice about someone or something. Believe or not, he’s changed a lot since then; and I’m proud of him for that. He might not necessarily want to see you specifically, but I do think he, and even me in fact, are looking for some kind of closure as to what happened. As cheesy as it sounds, you are the closest thing to closure there is, Mikasa.”_

As Armin cleared his throat, Mikasa thought about his answer. He was right; of course he was, it was Armin, he’s always right about everything.  Meeting Armin did indeed feel like fate. Mikasa was their only closure. The only thing they could hold onto to, and to finally let this thing that has been haunting all three of them for years, go.

“Your right Armin. It feels like fate that I met you in that little old library. I used to think about you and Eren all the time, you know. I’d wonder if you were okay, if you were alive, even. After all those years of trying to forget, I guess, in reality, I didn’t want to forget.”

_“I didn’t forget you, and I’m sure Eren didn’t either.”_

Mikasa needed him to elaborate on this. “Did...this is going to sound a little vain but, did he ever, you know, talk about me?”

Armin stared off at something in thought. _“Not that I can remember, no. The only thing I can recall is that one time we were round Jean’s, and himself and Eren were talking about these hot ladies they’ve hooked up with, and Jean mentioned your name. I was talking with Annie, so I don’t really remember exactly what was said and who said it, but I just recall Eren getting really defensive and he told him not talk about you like that. Jean said he can’t help it, and then Eren got mad and stormed out to Jean’s kitchen. This was ages ago though. I did remember thinking at the time it was odd, because he doesn’t get defensive like that, about ANY girl he’s hooked up with. I mean- not saying you too hooked up. But you were close and all, if you get what I’m saying.”_ He stuttered at the end. Mikasa blushed.

“No it’s okay. Jean’s just an asshole, that’s all there is too it. Hey, you mentioned Eren storming out. Does he still have anger issues?” Mikasa said sighing, leaning back into her pillows. Her arm was starting to ache now.

_“Eren’s not like he used to be. He’s changed a lot, definitely for the better. He’s gotten better, but things do tend to get to him still, which I think is perfectly fine and healthy for someone like him to have to deal with. I have said to him though, and he’s surprisingly stuck with this, that usually, he has me there with him to calm him down, and take him away from whatever has angered him. But, if a situation ever arises, he must call me immediately, so he can just talk things out with me.”_

Mikasa nodded, deeply interested whatever Armin had to say next. “What happens if you don’t answer?”

_“Well, I’ve told him he can call Annie, or Jean. And if they don’t pick up, I just gave him simple pointers, like get away from whatever’s bothering you, don’t act or lash out, stuff like that. It sounds like I’m describing a spoilt six year old, but Eren’s actually not that bad at all. He’s only phoned about three or four times collectively, other times I just happen to be there to defuse the situation.”_

Mikasa smiled, appreciating Armin. “God, where would we all be without you Armin?”

He gave a small chuckle. _“Who knows? I appreciate that though, Mikasa. It’s very sweet of you to say.”_

Mikasa kept a stern, serious face.  “Thank you, Armin, for everything you’ve done for him. It means everything to me that he, and you, are still safe, and happy.”

 _“It’s no problem at all.”_ Armin said, closing his eyes, and tilting his head, smiling. He then looked at the time on his phone. _“Annie should be coming over soon and Eren not too long after that. I think he went out somewhere with Jean, I’m not too sure. Anyway, I’ll text you my address later tonight. Be here about, say, half eleven? Is that cool for you?”_

Mikasa nodded. She wondered if Annie was going to be there when everything went down, which she knew was going to happen. Someone, surely Armin, must of explained to her what happened. Which was going to make everything a lot more worrying for Mikasa.

 _“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow then,”_ Armin gave a small wave, and the call ended. Mikasa flopped her phone down on her bed, making no sound. She pulled her soft hands up to her face, and rubbed them over her eyes. She let them rest on her cheeks, as she stared at the ceiling.

“Yeah, tomorrow then.” She mumbled under hands.

 

* * *

 

 

The raven leant her head against the cold wall tiles. The sound of gushing water somehow calmed her chaotic mind. Once she had finished her shower, she held a towel up around herself, and her feet padded their way to her wardrobe. Her lifeless eyes scanned her wardrobe. _Why hadn’t she planned her outfit out earlier?_

After putting on some plain grey underwear, Mikasa threw her hair up into the towel, to let it dry. She finally decided on wearing black jeans, and a white _My Chemical Romance_ top, topping it off with a black leather jacket, and black anklet boots. She packed black strap bag, probably throwing in usual things she didn’t even need.

Mikasa gave herself one long look in the mirror. _Did she over do it on the black?_ Perhaps. She checked the time on her phone. It was already ten to eleven. It was a little too late to go back and change it now. She had to leave. The raven took one quick glance around her apartment, knowing that she would return later with or without redemption.

The walk to the bus station was somewhat pleasant. It had stopped raining sometime during the night, Mikasa had assumed. The ground was moist, puddles still not being completely soaked up by the sun. She went out of her way to step in the small puddles, letting the dirty rain water splash up her boots. Mikasa found it somewhat amusing, getting her shoes wet. She felt the complete opposite way once she got on the bus.

It was a two floored bus, and she sat downstairs, wanting to avoid the laughter and giggles of high school children, desperately trying to enjoy the last day of the weekend, before Monday came to take them away.

Her journey was long, but peaceful for the most part. Scenery passed her by in simple flashes. These flashes where of places she was used to, places she’d been, and then places she had never seen before. The bright and mixed array of colours didn’t ever not manage to fascinate her.

Mikasa was sitting quite near the front, with no one sitting next to her. She liked it like this. She was content. The bus pulled up to a stop, and an old man, maybe in his sixties, climbed onto the bus. He paid his ticket, greeting the bus driver. The man looked around at the practically empty bus. Mikasa gave a quick glance, and then continued to look out of the window. The old man got a look at Mikasa, and gave a greasy smile. Out of all of the seats, the man chose to sit next to her.

The raven shifted uncomfortably in her seat, as the man stared at her. She crossed her legs. The old man gave a cheesy grin, closing his eyes and holding out a hand to Mikasa. “The names Hannes, nice to meet you!”

Mikasa gave wide eyes at his hand shake request, and gingerly accepted his hand, shaking it for about four seconds before letting go. “Mikasa.” She muttered under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear. He smiled. _Where had she heard the name Hannes before...?_

“Mikasa, huh? Pretty name for a pretty girl.”

 _This guy is such a creep,_ Mikasa thought to herself. She couldn’t get the feeling that she had heard his name before. _But where?_ Mikasa gave a polite half smile, but with worried eyes.

“Ah, the younger generation. Probably think I’m just some creeper, right? I just have to have someone to talk to on these journeys. Find out a little bit about everyone I meet, you know? It makes life all that little bit more interesting, I think.”

Mikasa began to think about the statement. The fact someone as old as him found appreciation in small things such as greeting anyone anywhere, made Mikasa feel happy inside. She was glad that someone took time out of their day to listen to random strangers, even if it wasn’t her herself.

“I respect that,” Mikasa said, not looking his way, but out of the window. Hannes looked at her out of the corner of his eye, and gave a slight chuckle from deep in his throat.

“You do? Ah, I’m glad I’ve finally found someone who doesn’t find me crazy. Us OAP’s and our ways, eh? Where are you off to then, if you don’t mind me asking? I can guess you’re not really from around here. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before around this part of town, and the outside seems to be interesting you.”

Mikasa scoffed looking down at her shoes, smiling. “You’re right; I’m not from around here, really. I don’t ever come down here, it’s just...I’m on my way to...to redeem myself. Hopefully.” She felt odd that she was opening up to a complete stranger, but maybe it was best like that. Hannes didn’t know her background, or anything about her at all, so he couldn’t judge her based on her actions from the past.

“Oh?” Hannes inquired.

“Yeah,” Mikasa looked dead on ahead to the bus pulling up to a traffic light. “I’ve done some, real awful things, and lost a lot of people in my life because of those awful things. I’m on my way to try and give myself some kind of redemption. To give them an answer.”

Hannes nodded. They were silent for a while, until he spoke up again. “Mind some unsolicited advice?”

Mikasa sighed, not looking in his direction, but out of the window again.  “Be my guest.” Hannes nodded, and looked directly on ahead.

“You know what I think? In the ten minutes I’ve met with you, I’ve already picked up on the fact that you’re strong. Stronger than most, even. You of course don’t think that at all. But its okay, whatever is troubling you, it’ll pass. As for now, the kind of redemption you’re looking for isn’t in your peers; it’s found in yourself. Before you can let them forgive you, you need to forgive yourself first. That’s the only way you can move on from whatever it is that’s keeping you up most nights.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened, and slowly her head panned up to him. He looked back down at her and smiled. She nodded in agreement. Again, silence was a plague that overtook the bus.

“Where are you going, then?” Mikasa asked.

Hannes pressed the conveniently placed ‘stop’ button, and rose out of his seat. “Nowhere, hun. Just felt like exploring, and you looked like the type of person who needed a chat.” Mikasa gave a nod in respect, and Hannes waved at her as he stepped off of the bus.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The air had gotten colder since she had stepped onto the bus. Her crimson red scarf fluttered in her face, as her boots made light pat sounds along the ground. She briefly looked up at the block of apartments in front of her. They seemed to tower over her, acting as a barrier for her entrance. They seemed so close, yet so far away.

As Mikasa stepped into the elevator, and shakily pulled out a familiar piece of crumpled paper. _Floor fiver, Number thirteen._ She gingerly pressed the grimy ‘number 5’ button, and the elevator went up. It gave her butterflies, as it got higher and higher. Once she had stepped out of the lift, the doors slightly slamming behind her, the presence of butterflies didn’t leave her.

The raven walked down the hallway, shaking. She couldn’t decide whether it was due to the immense coldness that seemed to plague this building, or how nervous she was. Finally, seeing the seventeen sign on the door, Mikasa stopped in front of it. She pulled out her phone, to see it was exactly half eleven. She had made it on time.

But, now that she was here, she wanted nothing more than to go back to where she came from. To be in the comfort of her own bed. To be surrounded by familiar sights, smells, sounds. Her clammy hands stopped at the door bell. She shook with so much fear. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, and letting it out through her mouth. Without thinking, she pressed it.

Her stomach flipped as a girl with blonde hair, done up in a bun, answered the door. Mikasa let out a sigh. She soon recognized the girl to be Annie, Armin’s girlfriend.

Annie looked her up and down, and her expression didn’t change at all. “So, you must be Mikasa Ackerman. I’m Annie Leonhardt, it’s nice to meet you, and all that stuff. Come in, it’s freezing in this shitty building.” She muttered under her breath.

Annie moved out of the way so Mikasa could step inside. Mikasa rubbed her hands together; drinking in the apartment Eren and Armin lived in, as Annie shut the door behind her.

It was a pretty small living room, with a kitchen being right by the door. The kitchen had cabinets and an oven right at the walls and opposite that was a breakfast bar, with three white stalls parked underneath. It was open to the living room, there were no walls separating the two rooms. They had two sofas, both clearly suppose to be a cream colour, but they were covered in curious stains. There was a messy, white fluffy carpet underneath a brown table, drenched with coffee mug stains. There were only three legs to this table, the missing leg being replaced with a bunch of books. Mikasa was interested in the story behind that.

They had a TV near the window, that wasn’t the best. It was very square and boxy, and dusty. Mikasa guessed they didn’t really use it that much. The walls were covered in photos, mostly containing Eren, Armin, Annie, and Jean. They all looked so different now, which saddened Mikasa. There were two rooms, openings opposite each other. She guessed it was their separate rooms. Mikasa started to ponder where Armin and Eren were.

“Annie, could you please put some coffee for me?” Armin said in a slightly raised voice. He came out of the bedroom to the left, just pulling a t-shirt over his head. Armin looked at Mikasa and paused, before smiling.

“Hey, Mikasa. Did Annie let you in?” He asked, walking over to the sofa to clear books off of it. Mikasa just nodded, as she started to take off her shoes. She placed them near the door, and stood awkwardly by the breakfast bar.

“You just going to stand there, or are you going to take a seat?” Annie questioned her back to Mikasa. Mikasa pulled out a stall, and placed her bag carefully on the bar, whilst hopping up to the stall. Annie turned around with a pot of coffee in her hand, and three cups.

“You want some?” She asked, already pouring it into two cups.

“Uh, sure. I mean, uh, yes please.”

Annie nodded, pouring the coffee into the plain white cup. Mikasa rested her arms on the table, as Armin came round to drink his coffee. After picking it up, he smelt it, closing his eyes.

“Mmm, my girlfriend makes the best coffee ever.” He kissed her cheek, which Mikasa smiled at. Annie gave a very small, yet noticeable smile. Armin rested his forearms on the bar, right at the end drinking.

“Sugar?”

The raven shook her head, as Annie handed her her cup. Mikasa took a sip, and her cheeks blushed at the fond taste she had recently come to enjoy. Another part of her, also didn’t want to say yes to the sugar, as she felt bad.

“Eren will be back soon, with Jean. I think Eren wanted some help with the grocery shopping, right An?” Armin asked, taking a sip. Mikasa’s eyes flew to Annie for her response.

“Yeah,” She said. “You were asleep, and when he asked me for help I told him you’d freak if you woke up and I wasn’t there.”

Armin chuckled. “I bet you didn’t say it like that.”

“Yep. I told him to go do one, so he called up Jean. Whilst Eren was getting ready, he handed me the phone, and Jean and I got talking. Now I’m roped into going clothes shopping with the basturd once he gets back.”

Armin gave a full laugh, whilst Mikasa sipped her drink awkwardly, drinking in the conversation. “Clothes shopping? Why on earth does Jean want to go clothes shopping...with you of all people? Jesus, dude must have some cash to burn.”

Annie rolled her eyes before taking a sip of her own drink. “Bonus, I’m guessing. I swear, his company fucking pisses away money like it’s nothing.”

“Yet he insists on basically living here with us!” Armin replied, shaking his head.

“I don’t see why you lot don’t just get an apartment together yourselves. You could probably afford it, you know.”

Armin sighed. “Yeah, I know. But can you imagine the constant bickering between Eren and Jean? And would you really want to come over to an apartment which houses two boys and a horse?”

Mikasa almost spat out her coffee. Armin and Annie looked at each other and smiled. “You guys _still_ have the horse joke thing going on?”

“Yeah, we do. He gets pissed sometimes, but at this point I just think he’s come to accept it.” Armin said, holding a hand at the back of his head, closing his eyes.

Annie’s blue eyes widened. “Wait...you guys did this shit in High School?”

It was Mikasa and Armin’s turn to look at each other. They both nodded, before letting out quite loud laughs. Mikasa enjoyed watching this aura that they had together, and how they comfortable they made her feel, when they probably both knew Mikasa was scared out of her mind.

Suddenly, there was a loud banging at the door. Armin jumped, whilst Annie sighed, rolling her eyes whilst placing down her cup. She went over to the door, and unlocked it, before returning to her original place.

A tall, horse faced man, who Mikasa recognized as Jean, came running through the door, panting, and slammed it, He was left with both his palms flat against the door.

“Phew,” He said, turning around, wiping sweat off of his brow. “I left Eren to carry it all up. He might be a while. Plus, I accidently spilled coffee on him, and he’s super pissed-“He paused mid sentence. “Well well well, if it isn’t the lady in question, Miss Mikasa Ackerman.”

Jean had certainly changed. His voice had gotten deeper, as had Armin’s, but his was a lot deeper. He had more character to him, and he was even taller than before. His hair was similar to what she remembered, but it was a lot shaggier and grown out. He had, somehow, gotten a decent jaw line, and he seemed well built. He seemed to be staring at Mikasa, dazed by her.

“Still as cute as ever, I see.”

Annie rolled her eyes, punching Jean lightly in the shoulder. “Oh piss off and leave her alone, you ass hat.”

“Really, Jean? Trust you. You haven’t seen her in years and that’s how you greet her?” Armin sated.

Mikasa blushed awkwardly. “Hi, Jean. It’s nice to see you.”

“Likewise.” He replied, with a cheesy smirk, lowering his eye lids a little.

“I see you still think you’re a womanizer...” Mikasa said, sipping her coffee.

Armin laughed, whilst Annie covered her mouth with her hand, trying to do the opposite. Jean rubbed his lips together, and sighed, letting out a slight chuckle.

“He does seem to suck with the ladies,” Annie stated. “He even tried it with me once. And failed, miserably.”

Jean snorted. “Don’t rub it in, blondie. You deserve Armin, anyways.”

To that, Armin gave Jean a smirk.

“Nice to see you, too.” Mikasa smiled in response.

“So, uh, hey, Annie, we still going on that trip?”

“Unfortunately.”

Jean leaned up against the counter, and sighed in protest. “I only asked you because Eren wanted us both out of the apartment.”

Armin, Annie, and Mikasa all went wide eyed staring at Jean. “Really?” They all asked.

“Um, yeah, really. Guess you lot have a lot to discuss then, huh.”

“No, we just don’t like you, and my poor baby Annie got stuck with you, that’s all.” Armin said, roping an arm around his girlfriend.

“Yeah, yeah, save it smart ass. We get the hint. Shall we leave, Jean?”

Jean nodded, and grabbed what Mikasa assumed, to be his car keys. He threw them up in the air, and caught them. They walked the short distance to the door, and Jean held the door open for Annie. As she was about to walk out, Jean went to smack her ass.

“Watch it, horsie.” Armin said sternly. As Annie turned around to scold him, another person ran in the door, straight at Jean, but paused in the door frame. Mikasa held her coffee cup tighter, as she looked Eren right in his green, unforgettable eyes.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa explains the past, which leads to uncontrollable anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I got cursed with writers block -_- I had the first part of this chapter just sitting there in my files, so I just sat down and finally finished it. It took about 2 hours, and I'm really proud of myself for finally just putting my head down and writing it. @littleswagmonster is my blessed angel of course.  
> Enjoy Chapter 6!

Chapter 6

Emerald eyes. The same emerald eyes, which never failed to remind her of the grass early in the morning, when last night’s rain drops hadn’t left the tips of the blades. Mikasa still remembered them. After seven years without them, she thought she would have gotten rid of the feeling he gave her when he looked at her with his eyes.

Eren had changed, in the fact that he looked like he had matured a lot more. Like Jean, his face had more shape to it. His cheekbones were much more defined now, along with his chin. He still kept his cute nose, however. His hair was surprisingly similar; brown, a little messy, but still cut to a reasonable length that didn’t make him look homeless. Not that she was looking, but Mikasa could tell he looked after his body, too. His shoulders were broad, and he was pretty skinny. He wore a plain white t-shirt, accompanied by a brown coffee stain, and a necklace, dangling from it was a sharp looking tooth, probably belonging to an animal. Dark blue skinny occupied his legs, and blue and white loafers were what he was wearing for shoes. His fashion sense had never left, Mikasa thought.

Her mind flashes with vibrant images, memories, each one of them filled to the brim with Eren. His smile, the way he laughed, the way he gave a flirty grin in Mikasa’s direction in class. Her heart filled with sadness as she recalled each and every memory she had of him, as she was frightened at the thought of Eren being a completely different person. She would have to start over from scratch, learning every little thing about him, his new smile, his new laugh, his new flirty grin. It would all be different. And that was something Mikasa hated that she had to accept.

The raven pondered if Eren was having the same thoughts she was having, in the zero point two seconds he glanced at her. He knew she was there, but for some reason, decided to not acknowledge her.

Eren dashed up to Jean and playfully grabbed the neckline of his t-shirt. Scrunched up in his hand, Eren pushed Jean back a little. Jean stuttered out a laugh.

“Eren, hey, man, I’m sorry, but that was pretty funny!” He said giggling, holding both of his rather large hands up in defense. Eren sank his head down into Jean’s chest, and laughed. Mikasa was pleasantly surprised to find out that his laugh was a little deeper, which was to be expected, but still had some of that younger chuckle in it.

“You’re an actual ass hat, you know that?” Eren said, still giggling.

“Couldn’t of said it better myself.” Annie mumbled. Eren sighed, moving away from Jean and striding back out of the door.

“I’m getting the shopping, Ar, come and help me.” He left Mikasa’s constant gaze without a glance backwards.

“I guess we’re off then. Giddy up, horsie.” Annie gave a smirk to Jean, as he rolled his eyes, playing along, by pretending to trot hooves along the ground. Annie laughed, after receiving a kiss on the cheek from Armin. They left soon after, bidding a quick farewell to Mikasa, and Armin followed, but stood in the door, about to shut the door.

“We won’t be long, Mikasa.” He gave her a reassuring smile, as he shut the door with a light click.

Mikasa looked around the small flat, the sudden silence almost a deafening blow. Mikasa placed her finished cup on the bar, her throat begging for more. She slowly slid out of her assigned seat, and walked the short distance around the bar. She paused in front of a few cupboards, desperately trying to remember where Annie had gotten specific things from. She took a guess, opening the left cupboard, to find what she was looking for.

She boiled the water, placing the coffee in the water. It was an odd way of making it, but it’s how she preferred it. She leaned against the counter, the way Jean had done so a small while ago. Mikasa sighed, ruffling her hair up a little, so it had volume. Out of nowhere, the words of the wise old man, Hannes, popped into her head.

_“You know what I think? In the ten minutes I’ve met with you, I’ve already picked up on the fact that you’re strong. Stronger than most, even. You of course don’t think that at all. But its okay, whatever is troubling you, it’ll pass. As for now, the kind of redemption you’re looking for isn’t in your peers; it’s found in yourself. Before you can let them forgive you, you need to forgive yourself first. That’s the only way you can move on from whatever it is that’s keeping you up most nights.”_

Maybe nervousness was the cause of her sweaty hands. Eren was so close to her those few minutes ago, and yet he still seemed so far away from her reach. She placed her soft hands on her face, cowering over, shaking her head. Mikasa took a deep breath, and looked up. The water was seemingly taking forever to boil, so Mikasa took up her constant urge to go explore.

She longed to go and search around either of the boys rooms, but immediately knew it was a step too far into their private lives. Mikasa stuck with the surroundings she had become acquainted with, making her way over to the thing in the room that was the most vibrant to her.

Photographs. A fair few of them, pinned to a brown wood board. There were ones with funny little drawings on them in a red pen, like mustaches and always glasses on Armin. Mikasa had no idea she was smiling, searching through all of these photos. There were of course a few of Armin and Annie, and lots of photo bombs. It seemed like the four of them were pretty tight. Some of them had captions, definitely written by Armin, like _‘Off to the beach!’_ with them all sitting in a car. Eren was pulling a ridicules face, Armin was giving a familiar cheesy grin, Jean was swearing and Annie was deep in a book, not looking into the lens. After digging, and seeing countless photos of the four of them, Mikasa found a photo, underneath all the others, that nearly made her choke. Giving it a light tug, it fell easily into her hand.

 It was a picture of back then. They were all in their school uniforms, and almost everyone was there. Marco was clearly the one taking the photo, half of his face being right in frame, yet the other half being cut off, and he was giving a smiley grin, showing his teeth. Eren had his arms around Armin and Mikasa, Armin giving the same smile, but Mikasa looking unimpressed, off to the side, in a gaze. The whole 104th class, together in one photo, everyone being assigned to their typical stereotypes. Mikasa couldn’t figure out why she looked so depressed while everyone else around her was happy. In desperate search of an answer, Mikasa flipped the photo over.

In an unfamiliar handwriting, were the words,

_The last photo of the 104 th class, together, and happy, as how they should be remembered. _

The raven’s pupils engulfed the writing as they widened at the sudden memory.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey Mikasa, are you okay?” Eren asked worriedly. Mikasa blew him off, slightly waving her hand in reassurance.

“I’m okay, really,” She said blankly, still gazing at nothing.

Eren sighed. “But you seem really-“

“I said I’m fine!” Mikasa snapped, perhaps a little too harshly. Eren mumbled a whatever, and feeling bad, Mikasa went to apologise, but Hitch had taken his attention. She scowled and looked away again. The wind blew through her hair, as she blinked slowly, taking in her surroundings. Her high school field was always a lovely place to be, as there were so many cherry blossom trees that never failed to bloom earlier than usual. Mikasa took beauty in that.

Laughter could be heard all around her. The Terrible Two were at it again, Sasha laughing because Connie had gotten cream off of his cupcake onto his nose. Ymir and Christa were cuddling, listening to Oluo going on about some hot girl he'd met at the weekend. Gunther and Eld being in their own world, playing a game together on either ones phones. Mina, Thomas, Reiner, Marco, Berthold, Hitch, Eren and Armin were playing truth or dare. Eruptions of loud laughter could be heard every once and a while, but even with all this positivity, Mikasa still felt like there was her own personal rain cloud over her that day, that kept showering her with terrible thoughts.

She wished she was ill like Jean was, so she could have skipped this useless trip that they were forever waiting for.

“Truth or dare, Marco?” Hitch practically purred.

“Dare,” He squeaked.

Hitch hummed for a minute, and then lit up with a mischievous grin. “I dare you to take a picture of the whole class together.”

“That’s hardly a dare, Hitch!” Eren called out. She shrugged.

“It was the only thing I could think of.”

Marco beamed a scared smile. “Uh sure, I’ll do it, but I don’t have a camera-“

“Use mine!” Armin piped up.

Marco nodded as he got handed the camera. He leapt up from his seat, and jogged in front of everyone sitting down. Finally managing to get everyone in the shot, he screamed out.

“Hey, everyone!”

Despite her rudeness, Eren still hang an arm over Mikasa’s shoulder, though she did not look up for the photo. Grabbing everyone else attention, Marco snapped the photo, and everyone gave a small cheer before laughing out.

“Today is going to be a good day, I can feel it!” Eren said, possibly to no one. Mikasa heard, but couldn’t agree. She wanted more than anything to end this day.

 

* * *

 

 

Hearing a light _“Mikasa”_ through the apartment door, she panicked, sloppily putting the photo back in its original place.

“Yeah,” She answered as the door opened. Armin walked in, placing full bags of shopping on the bar. He smiled, wiping sweat of his brow, when he realized what Mikasa had been looking at.

“Those photos, you like them?”

Mikasa gave a small smile, looking down and fumbling her hands together. “Yeah,” She walked slowly over to her original seat. “It’s cute that you have something like that.”

Armin smiled in response. The smell of coffee filled the air around them, as Eren walked in, kicking the door shut with his foot. Mikasa awkwardly climbed onto her stall, as Armin checked the pot of boiling coffee.

“I’m changing,” Eren announced, still not acknowledging Mikasa as he walked passed her, and shut the door to his room. Armin poured out into Mikasa’s and his own cup.

“Smells good,” He said, as Eren came back out of his room, wearing a similar shirt, but with no coffee stain. “Wait, the pot was empty, so who made it, was it Annie?”

Mikasa shook her head. “I was still kind of thirsty, so I made some myself, I hope you don’t mind.” Armin moved out of the way so Eren could get out a cup from the cupboard.

“Not at all! It’s almost as good as Annie’s!”

Mikasa smirked. “Almost as good, huh?”

Mikasa glanced at Eren as he filled his cup with her coffee. It splashed a little down the side, making Eren frown.

“Did you make this?” Eren asked her. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting his first words to her in seven years would be, but it certainly wasn’t that. Maybe a hug, or words on how well she looked.

Mikasa gave a shy, small nod. “Yeah, I did,” Not looking at him, but down at her cup. He tasted it, and his expression didn’t change.

“It’s good.”

“Thank you.”

The exchange of words felt extremely forced and robotic. It was as if someone else were typing out their thoughts, and all they had to do was say them. The raven hated everything about this. The constant stench of awkwardness in the air. Mikasa resented this with everything she had, but she knew there was nothing she could do about it. It wasn’t like before, where she could openly speak her mind. She had to be careful about what she said, nothing rude or intrusive.

Armin, the angel, desperately tried to move away from the stench of awkwardness in the air. “Hey, let’s move to the couch. My legs ache from standing,” He said pulling away and walking over to the couch, so he could flop down. “That shopping was super heavy Eren!”

Eren smirked closing his eyes before walking over and flopping down next to Armin, his coffee spilling a little. “No it wasn’t your just weak.”

Armin swotted Eren while he laughed. “Watch it, jackass,” Armin looked up at Mikasa. “Come and sit down with us, Mikasa.”

She nodded quickly, joining them on the opposite sofa. She placed her coffee carefully down on the wobbly table. Recalling that she wanted to know the story behind the missing table leg, she looked up at Armin as she sat down, hands folded on her lap. She gave him a puzzling look, and he laughed.

“Ah yes, the famous missing table leg. I thought I was pretty clever stacking it up with old books!” He said with a bright smile, while Eren rolled his eyes.

“What...what happened?”       

Armin sighed, still smiling. “Eren and Jean were play fighting, and –“

“Honestly you make me sound like I’m a five year old!” Eren butted in, protesting.

“You might as well be,” Armin muttered, although Eren still heard. “Anyway, they were play fighting, and I came home to see Jean push Eren a little too hard, and he fell backwards onto the table, sitting on it, and the leg collapsed on itself. I was furious at them, of course.”

“I bet you act like the Dad around here, huh.” Mikasa boldly stated.

Armin smiled looking down at his coffee. “Yeah I guess so, I don’t mind though. I love them both dearly.”

“Thank you, Daddy!” Eren said in a high pitched voice. Armin swooped his head back and gave Eren a disgusted look as he laughed.

“Okay, I take it back, it’s weird and creepy.”

“You like it really, don’t you, _Daddy,”_

Armin shook his head, his hair moving with him. “Okay, cut it out Eren!”

Mikasa could no longer contain her laughter she had been holding for a fairly long amount of time. She covered her hand over her mouth, still trying to stifle her laugh. Armin looked at her and smiled, titling his head slightly. He was happy to see her happy, reunited with her old best friends.

Eren’s wide eyes kept watching her flushed face giggle. He seemed star struck. Her laugh, the same thing he always remembered as his favorite sound, still remained his favorite after all this time. It was just as beautiful as he recalled it to be.

“I’m...sorry...” She said through breaths. “Seems like you two still have it, huh.” Her gaze flickered between Armin and Eren, landing on Eren’s wide emeralds, and seeing the gaze her held made her face feel hot. She suddenly found her feet very interesting.

“I guess you could say that,” Armin looked at Eren, who was in a trance with Mikasa. He nudged him slightly, and he snapped out of it, blushing a little. Armin smiled, picking up on this.

He could tell Eren’s affections for Mikasa hadn’t left entirely just by the way he looked at her. Armin knew Eren always used to find her beautiful, because he told him. He guessed that hadn’t left him, either. He used to drone on and on about how pretty she looked in class, or how her laugh was like music to his ears. Eren thought Armin never listened to him, because he voiced this a couple of time, but Armin was always listening, in case one day Eren lost faith in her, and had to be reminded of why he thought Mikasa was something special to him.

“Hey, do you remember when you two, and Marco used to-“

Armin’s smiled dropped at the memory of Marco, which spiked more memories of his class. Eren’s whole head dropped, as he muttered a curse.

“Wait, what’s up? What did I-“Her eyes widened at the realisation at what she just said. She brought them up again. Her hand flew up to her mouth, and she was about to burst out an apology, Eren beat her to it.

“I just remembered the real reason you’re here,” He paused, looking up and directly into her eyes. “When Armin told me you wanted to meet with me, he said something about second chances, and how everyone should at least get one. Hearing his- Marco’s name, makes me hate you with everything I have. What you did, makes me hate you with everything I have. But, I’m more mature than I was back then. I respect Armin and what he said deeply, so here. No apologies cut the bullshit. Tell us what happened that day.”

Mikasa looked at Armin in hopes of a word from him, but he said nothing. She knew this would come eventually, and the butterflies in her stomach became restless. She gathered that they would hate her afterwards, and no matter how much she battled with herself, that was something she had to accept. She didn’t come to get her friends back, she came to give answers.

She gulped, starting her sentence. “Back then, I was a selfish, jealous girl with a horribly impatient head. I don’t know who you saw me as, but that’s all I thought I was. That day was the day my mother got admitted into the hospital.”

Armin and Eren’s eyes widened. “But you told us it was ages ago after that!”

“I didn’t feel like telling anyone the real truth. I wanted to go see her, but my Father made me go to school, which I hated him for. I was moody the whole morning, and I recall barely talking to anyone. I wanted with all my heart to just visit her, but I couldn’t. I wanted to get out of the trip so badly, to find an excuse to go home so I could see her. If the trip was cancelled then I knew I could beg my Father to take me. I know now it was for my own good that he didn’t take me, I was being selfish.

“It also didn’t help my mood that...that Hitch was flirting with you, Eren, the whole time. I used to have a, uh, crush on you, and uh, well it made me jealous that you let her all over you. I was pretty much sick of this ‘trip’ by now, so when we stopped for gas, I...I...”

Tears glistened down her soft cheeks, as she tried to wipe them away with her wrist. She finally let out a sob she had been holding in. “I went to the tire’s and...I pulled out the bolts from each side, tossing them away, “Another sob. “In hopes the bus would break down, so I could get picked up and go home. I had no idea that...”

Eren’s eyes had own tears in them, Armin’s oceans were wide as they could ever be. Eren shook his head, looking down and scrunching up his eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

The coach jiggled about, as Mikasa rested her head against the cold window. Laughter could be heard from all around her, but she couldn’t join in. She started to wonder if what she did would even affect the coach at all.

“Hey, Mikasa!” Armin squeaked. She sighed, turning her head back. As she did so, there was a loud jolt, and the coach wobbled, and sunk to one side. Armin and Mikasa looked at each other with wide eyes. The coach sunk even lower, Mikasa lifting slightly off of her seat. Extremely loud screeching and scraping could be heard from outside, and some of the children squealed. Mr Smith stood us, holding onto the seats as he desperately tried to calm the class.

The coach sunk lower at the back, and the scraping was even louder. Mikasa was panicking as most of the teens were. She slightly lifted off her seat, noticing that the front wheel was missing. Her eyes filled with tears. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the same had happened to the back tire. The coach, still going incredibly fast as they were on the motorway, started tipping to the side. The class started screaming, as Mikasa saw the bus driver frantically trying to get control of the steering wheel, although there was nothing he could do. The coach was at a fifty degree angle, finally toppling over, smashing into a barrier for safety, and completely obliterating it.

Mikasa felt as if she were in a washing machine, tumbling over and over. A few desperate screams could be heard, but the seatbelts did barely anything. Most were out of their seat, flying about the coach. Mikasa hit her head hard on a piece of smashed window that came flying at her, and everything went black.

 

* * *

 

 

Mikasa was sobbing hard. “I’m so, so sorry, for what I did. No excuses can be made for me, I’m disgusting.”

Eren slammed his fist on the coffee table, making all of the mugs spill. “You know, after all this time, I still kept this little piece of doubt in my mind that it wasn’t you, that it wasn’t your fault. I didn’t...I didn’t want to believe that it was your fault. But...hearing that, sickens me. Your selfish ways took away so many innocent lives.” He started to raise his voice.

“Eren,” Armin said, clawing his arm.                                                                      

“Trust me, it burdens me every day. There’s not a day where I don’t feel with the weight of it on my shoulders-“

“Good!” Eren said standing up, leaning over slightly toward her. “That’s all you deserve, you selfish bitch!” He shouted. Mikasa’s eyes widened, filling up with fresh tears.

“Eren! Leave her alone!” Armin pleaded from his space on the couch.

“I’m so...I’m so...ANGRY! YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE DEAD, NOT THEM!” He kicked the table out of the way, the books falling with it. Coffee splashed a little up Mikasa’s leg. He stood over, raising his fist in the air. Mikasa screamed, holding her arms in a cross formation over her head to protect her for what was about to come. She turned her head to the side and scrunched her eyes.

“EREN, NO!” Armin stood up and pulled Eren’s fist away from Mikasa. “Look at me, look at me Eren. Eren!” Armin pleaded, holding his hot fist in-between both of his hands. He was breathing very heavily, and Armin looked over Eren’s shoulder at Mikasa. Studying his worried expression, Eren looked back, following Armin’s eyes. Mikasa was still sobbing, her hands covering her face. Muffled noises could still be heard.

Eren tore away from Armin’s grip, and walked to his room, slamming the door. Armin made his way over to Mikasa, bending down to her height.  

“I think it’s best if you go home now, for you and Eren, okay?” He said, rubbing her knee. After gaining no response but sobbing, he sighed and stood up, shuffling his way over to Eren’s room. He gave one last glance back at Mikasa before closing the door. She hadn’t moved.

She lifted her head after hearing the door shut. Muffled swear words could be heard through the thin walls, as Mikasa arose from her seat. She made her way through the living room to the door, and opened it. Giving one last look back, she left the apartment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa invites someone back into her life, and makes a risky decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO LET ME GUSH ALL MY FEELINGS IN A WEIRD RAMBLEY PARAGRAPH.  
> Thanks and much love to everyone who has messaged me about this fanfic, or left comments or kudos or even just briefly looked at it, it means the world to me aaaahahhhh! When people message me or comment, I usually reply and try and play it cool, but irl I'm actually hyperventilating and probably screeching at the same time. I didn't want to sound like a goof but here we are. I've had so much positive feedback, and I just AAAAHHH ASDFGHJKL <3333  
> Anyway,   
> Enjoy Chapter 7!

Chapter 7

Work has always been a torturous chore for Mikasa to endure, but the recent events in her life made everything a lot worse. She pondered if it was possible to suffocate within a pile of books, after weighing up equal sides of an ongoing argument in her head; she decided it probably wasn’t possible. Mikasa wanted nothing more than to go home and just binge watch whatever decent thing she could find on Netflix, and eat her feelings.

She didn’t really know what she was expecting to happen when she met with them on Sunday, but it certainly wasn’t almost getting punched in the face by her old best friend.  Perhaps she deserved it, after all she’s done. She should have known explaining things would have wound him up like that, but alas, she was naive like always.

That was one thing that impacted Mikasa’s personality for the worse. She was naive in many a situation, and didn’t think about the consequences about anything, she just worried and panicked. That left her open to surprises a lot, which she didn’t care for. She was the type of person to speak her mind without thinking about it before hand, and she begged herself to change that factor.

The raven thought a lot about that day. The way his face changed from just a staring young man, to an angry hulk like monster. The way his fist was raised in mid air, but paused. _Was he really going to punch me?_ Mikasa questioned, a lot. It damaged her feelings a lot to know that she was worthy of such a thing as a _punch,_ for simply doing what she was told to do. Give answers. It was completely understandable for Eren, and possibly even Armin to get frustrated and angry and what she said, but then again, they had to know. And know that they did, Mikasa didn’t think she’d be hearing from them again.

The library was fairly busy today, mostly populated with old couples, picking out books for one another. One thing Mikasa could accept was the peacefulness of the library, and how old people contributed to this factor. They didn’t tend to make much noise, so Mikasa had a lot of time to think for herself, as some would spend hours here deciding on what books they would forget to return. She was pretty sure she had at least fifteen books that would never return in her eyesight again. Whilst old people were for the most part kind and quiet, they were also forgetful. Mikasa gathered that at least one or two books that would be taken out today would never return.

It was only about half twelve, and Mikasa didn’t get the luxury of lunch breaks as it was just her. But she did eat, of course she couldn’t starve. Biting in a mouthful or two when they weren’t looking in her direction, giving her awkward smiles. She began to unpack her sandwich from her bag under her desk, and carefully placed it on the desk, slightly behind her computer. She had made it herself, a simple cheese one, as she was a picky eater. Just as she was about to take a bite into her simple sandwich, her phone buzzed in her pocket. Mikasa’s eyebrows furrowed, feeling around for her phone in her pocket. No one ever text her, so she wondered who it could be. The sandwich cried for attention, so Mikasa bit into it whilst pulling out her phone. A black screen greeted her as she placed down her sandwich back behind her computer. She pressed the home button, and her eyes widened at the message that she had received.

_Brother_ _just now_

_Call me immediately_

Her brother hadn’t made contact with her in about three years, so she wondered why he suddenly wanted her so urgently, it seemed. As much as she wanted to ignore him, Mikasa was incredibly intrigued at this sudden request.  She couldn’t ring him in here, and as she sat staring at the message, Mikasa heard a fairly loud cough from above her desk.

She looked up, shoving her phone into her lap, and gave an apologetic grin. The old lady that she was greeted with huffed and rolled her eyes.

“You are here to take the books in and out, right?” The old lady asked, and Mikasa nodded and gulped. _Well, that’s not the only thing I do here, but whatever,_ She thought.

“Well, start acting like you have a job then, Missy!”

“I’m sorry Ma’am, it’s just that I don’t get a lunch break, and-“

The old lady rudely interrupted her. “Yeah, yeah I’ve heard it all before.” She stated, piling the books onto the desk. After making the quickest and quietest check out of her life, Mikasa scrambled for a sticky note. She scribbled that she was taking an important phone call, and stuck it to the front of her desk. She was going to try and be quick, as she didn’t want to piss off too many people.

Mikasa made a dash for the toilets and locked herself in a stall. They were pretty grimy; as she was pretty sure the cleaners didn’t even visit this place anymore. She didn’t have to worry about anyone coming in here, as hardly anyone knew of their existence.

She dragged her phone out of her pocket, and quickly pulled up her brother’s number. Before pressing the little ‘call’ icon, her hands begun to shake. She hadn’t heard his voice in ages, and wondered if it would sound different. Not that it mattered, but she was stalling, not too eager to hear what he had to say to her.

It dialed, and she shakily held it up to her ear. She leaned against a locked stall door, and slide down, her knees up to her chest. He finally picked up.

_“God, finally. What took you so long?”_

Mikasa sighed, rolling her eyes. Nope, he was still the name rude asshole he’s always been.

“Oh, hi Levi, nice to talk to you too. I was at work, how do you expect me to-“

 _“Yeah, well enough of that crap,”_ He interrupted. _What is it today with everyone and interrupting me?_ She thought, even though it had been two people. _“I need your help. Big time.”_

“What,” She said blankly.

_"Ah fuck, how do I say this without breaking down? Look, Petra's come down with something pretty bad; she's been admitted into hospital it's that fucking bad. They reckon she's got Tuberculosis, but we don't know for sure yet. If it is, it could lead to some pretty nasty things, and if something happened to her, I...I..."_

There was a long pause. A deafening silence. Mikasa had almost choked drinking the information in. Back when she was younger, after her Mother had been admitted into hospital herself, her Father was hardly at home at all. Levi had to care for the both of them, and his girlfriend, Petra was also a really big help. She used to come around a lot, helping Levi with whatever. Mikasa cared a lot about Petra, because she was so understanding and kind to every individual person, no matter their past. She almost felt like Petra was her Mother, in some strange way. Why she wanted to be with an OCD arrogant asshole like Levi, Mikasa could never comprehend. Hearing that the sweetest person she ever had the pleasure of knowing had gotten something so terrible, made her heart sink.

_“You know how much I love her, Mikasa. The medical bill is going to be a bitch though, so I’m here to ask if you’ll help me out with her treatment. This isn’t for me, it’s for her.”_

Although she felt mean, Mikasa rolled her eyes in knowing he would ask something like that. “What makes you think I had that kind of money just lying around? I work as a shitty librarian Levi, I’m no millionaire.” 

Levi sighed. _“I’m not asking you to pay for the whole damn thing, stupid girl. Just, help me out, please? You owe me, anyway.”_

Mikasa scoffed, shocked. “Like hell I do!”

_“I was practically your Father growing up, you ungrateful shit. All those little things I did for you, the things Petra did for you, and you won’t even do this for her!”_

Mikasa sighed, closing her eyes. She really did owe Petra that much. If anything happened to her worse than this, she would be upset. “Alright, fine. I’ll help you- on one condition.”

_“What?”_

“Stop pretending I don’t exist.” Mikasa said boldly.

_“Wha-...what does that even mean?”_

Mikasa sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time.  “I’ve had enough of people ignoring me, and kicking me off to the curb like I’m nothing. The amount of people I’ve lost...I’m done with that. I’m changing, Levi. I’m standing up for myself, after seven years of shrivelling away, I’m fucking standing up, and I am going to prove to people that I matter. Because dammit, I do matter! I’m not just someone who can be ignored, and betrayed anymore! I’m trying my best to make amends with old friends, and maybe you texting me today was some kind of miracle. I won’t have you ignore me anymore, Levi. Let me back into your life, okay?” She said, her voice slightly raised.

 _“Y-yeah...okay, sure.”_ He sounded slightly stunned at the sudden speech, but Mikasa couldn’t really tell.

“A-and you have to let me come see her, and you of course.”

_“Yeah. It won’t be for a while though; it’s a pretty contagious thing. I wouldn’t want you to catch anything,”_

Mikasa gave a small smile to that. “Okay. Listen, I better get back to work. There’s probably some angry mob waiting for me outside these toilets.”

He gave a very small yet audible chuckle. _“Have fun with that.”_

“Oh I will. Goodbye, Levi-“

_“Wait! Mikasa, wait-“_

She raised her eyebrows before furrowing them into a downward slant. “Huh? What?”

 _“What you said back then, that little speech you made. I just wanted to say, that that’s Mikasa I remember way back when,”_ Mikasa gave another small smile, looking down, giving a slight blush to her brother’s kind words. _“Bye Mikasa, I love you.”_

Her eyes widened quickly as the call ended sharply. Mikasa gathered from embarrassment, as he never ever said those words, barely even to Petra. As she arose from her seat on the floor, Mikasa came to the conclusion that she was disappointed because, she didn’t get to say it back.

As she emerged from the bathroom, a line of angry old customers greeted her. As she shuffled to sit down, the first thing she realized was that her sandwich had mysteriously gone missing.

 

* * *

 

 

No matter how many angry complaints she received whilst scanning books and gushing meaningless apologies, nothing seemed to dull this mood she had going on. It was something she hadn’t felt in a while, joy. Joy and happiness were two completely different things to Mikasa. Happiness was feeling good about something. Joy was everything like that but more. Butterflies in your stomach, as if something exciting was coming. And right now, she was feeling joy.

That simple conversation she had with Levi felt like a step forward, at being accepted more by others around her. So, Eren wasn’t a good example of that, but she was going to try and work on that. She was finally willing to face a challenge, and _work_ for his friendship, instead of her expecting it to be given to her on a silver plate. That’s not how things worked for her. Not anymore.

As she was stalking the library, stacking chairs, and slowly locking up, she recalled something Levi had said.

_“I just wanted to say, that’s the Mikasa I remember way back when,”_

His voice echoed through her head, leading to her not concentrating. As she was tidying up the books a little, she was pretty sure she placed some in the wrong places, but right now, she couldn’t care less. She was too high on joy for that.

She stepped outside, and turned around to lock the door. As she double locked it, her stomach growled, and she recalled her sandwich going missing. She just figured one of the old people snatched in spite for waiting so long. As soon as she got home, she was going to make the biggest-

“Did you make this?”                                                                                                   

A familiar voice made her jump as she turned around. A grinning Eren, back lent against a poll, munching on a sandwich. She noticed the cheese, and sighed. _So that’s where my sandwich went,_ She said mentally. Mikasa nodded. _How-_

“It’s good.” He said closing his eyes, grinning even more.

“Thank you...?”

She gave a small smile, remembering that they had had this conversation before. She wondered why he was acting painfully normal with her.

“It’s a complaint, don’t act all weird about it,” He swallowed the last bit. “I see you still like boring old plain cheese sandwiches. Doesn’t surprise me.”

Mikasa’s head turned slightly to the side, her thin black eyebrows furrowed. “How did you-“

“Long story short, I went in there to snatch you from work, but I got met with a bunch of muttering angry old people and a sticky note. I went to your desk, saw a sandwich and I took it and left. Needless to say, Armin was more than a little confused when I emerged with a sandwich, and not you.”

“Wait, Armin was in on it too?”

“Not the sandwich stealing, no no no, that bit was improv,” He said taking small steps toward Mikasa, finally standing opposite her. “We came to take you from work!”

“Surely Armin of all people knows that you can’t just pull people out of work like that,”

Eren shrugged. “Eh, we were going to ask if you would shut down early, but you weren’t there, and I didn’t feel like waiting around with a bunch of old codgers.”

Mikasa giggled. “Eren!”

“Listen, I wanted to be the one to greet you out here, because I owe you an apology,”

“Eren, wait-“

For the third time today, someone interrupted Mikasa. “Ah! Let me talk for once, you stubborn girl. I know you got way more to be apologizing for, but this is my turn. Hear me out, okay?”

Mikasa slumped to the side, folding her arms, rubbing her lips together. “I’m listening.”

“I acted like an ass; my anger got the better of me. Armin helped me realize later that I got angry at the truth; which is what I asked for. I am still angry, anyone would be, but I shouldn’t have gone that far. You know I was brought up to never hit a girl, or anyone for that matter. Truth is, I was actually...Really pleased to see you, Mikasa.”

They were both blushing, Mikasa painfully more obviously then Eren was. He kept her gaze, before she bashfully looked down at the ground. “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologise for that stuff. I don’t mind. It was nothing.”

“Were those nothing’s rolling down your cheeks?”

Mikasa sighed, still looking at the ground. “You...you just scared me a little, that’s all.”

“Exactly,” He bravely stepped forward a little, reaching out to touch her arms, recoiling slightly in fear of rejection, before placing his hands gently on her arms. She looked up, her eyes wide. She hadn’t been this close to him, in forever. She stayed completely still.

“I’m sorry. Just take it, okay.”

Mikasa nodded, smiling a little. He smiled back, before hearing a beeping horn in the background. Eren turned around walking to a shitty green car. Armin, practically using his whole forearm to wave to Mikasa, was seated in the driver’s seat. Eren opened the passenger door at the back for her.

“We’re going to Jean’s you coming?”

Mikasa didn’t have anything else planned for the evening, and the idea of binge watching Netflix until she fell asleep sounded terribly boring, so eagerly nodded. She made her way over the car, sliding herself in the seat, saying a short but polite “Thanks,” as she got in.

 

* * *

 

 

“Race you to Jean’s couch; last one there makes the coffee!” Eren leapt from his seat, slamming the car door, and racing inside up the steps. Armin sighed, bashing his head on the steering wheel.

“Does he not realize that you don’t know where is actually is?” Armin said, mumbling.

Mikasa giggled, resting her hand on his seat. “Well, it is Eren. His childish behavior hasn’t changed one bit,” She decided to ask Armin a question that had been bothering her the whole car journey. “Armin?”

He raised his head, turning his head halfway back, sensing the seriousness in her voice. “Yeah?”

“Be honest,” She gulped. “Did you make Eren apologise, or did he do it of his own accord?”

Armin sighed, smiling a little. “I had a feeling you might ask that at some point. Believe it or not, he did want to do it himself. I did point out that he acted irrationally, but the idea to apologise was all down to him.”

Mikasa looked down at her hand on the seat, and let out a little surprised breath out of her nose. “I’m proud of him for that.”

“Me too,” Armin agreed, unbuckling his seat belt. “I think he’s growing on you; or should I say _, re-_ growing on you!”

They made the short walk together inside, and to the elevator. These apartments were a lot nicer than the one Eren and Armin lived in. Everything seemed a little cleaner, like someone cared. They made it to Jean’s apartment, Armin ringing the bell politely.

Annie opened the door, and her normal stoic expression changed into a smile, seeing Armin. He gave her a small hug as they walked in, and Mikasa turned to shut the door. As she turned back, she noticed one of two things. Jean’s place was a lot bigger than Eren and Armin’s place was, and there was a lot of white things. It made everything a lot more modern and cleaner, Mikasa thought. Jean also owned a breakfast bar, but his living room was set out a little differently. He had one of those fancy long couches, the ones with a corner in them. He had a TV stuck to the wall, and underneath, a fireplace. It was set on small square long planks of smoothed down wood, and on the other side, through the wood planks, was his bedroom. There were steps leading up to his bedroom, it being a little higher up then the main living area. Mikasa took off her shoes at the door, and stood by the breakfast bar.

“Haha! Mikasa, you’re last, you know what that means-“Eren said, his feet propped up on a white square of furniture, which matched the leather sofa.

Armin sighed, moving from his space on the couch, away from Annie. “Can it, you ass. I’ll do it,”

As he made his way to the bar, Jean made his appearance, making small shuffles down the steps. “Hey! Get your feet off of my furniture, you dick.”

Eren slowly moved his feet all over the white square before dropping them, earning a smack from Jean. He flopped down next to Eren, and finally caught glimpse of Mikasa.

“Hey hey, Mikasa! Feel free to sit right here!” He pointed to his lap, and Mikasa’s face blushed from embarrassment.

“Leave it Jean, you fucking pervert.” Eren stated, smacking his arm.

“Christ Jean! Mikasa, sit here, away from that creep.”

Mikasa smiled at the opportunity, and was about to sit down next to Annie when her phone started vibrating.  She pulled it out, and it was Levi who was calling her.

“Levi, again?” She muttered, no one hearing her. “Hey guys, I got to take this call, is there somewhere private I can go?”

“Bathrooms free, just go through my bedroom you’ll find it.”

Mikasa smiled, making her way up the steps, answering her phone. “What do you want now?” Mikasa said jokingly. Eren looked at her as she crossed Jean’s surprisingly neat and tidy bedroom. Her black silky hair flew behind her, as she smiled at the response she got on the phone. Eren felt a slight pang of jealously, but ignored it, looking back at his friends.

Mikasa locked the bathroom, sitting on the toilet with the seat down. “Petra?”

 _“Yeah, sorry, I-“_ She paused to hack up a cough. _“Sorry, I’m sure Levi told you what’s going on.”_

“Um, y-yeah he did. I’m so sorry Petra, I really am.”

 _“Oh no, please don’t feel sorry for silly old me!”_ She sounded just as sweet on the phone as she did in person. _“I just wanted to ring to say thank you for helping us out, it means the world to both of us. Levi told me it wasn’t necessary to call, but I insisted. Just, thank you so much, Mikasa. I look forward to seeing you soon!”_

“You too!” She heard a muffled _“Can I have my phone back now,”_ Which Petra obliged too, as Levi’s voice could soon be heard. 

_“Sorry about that. She was persistent, trust me, I didn’t want to call you twice today.”_ She knew he was joking, as she felt the smirk on her end.

“Oh, can it, you. Hey, you’ll never guess who I’m with right now,”

Levi sighed. _“Who,”_

“Eren and Armin, and a few others. Remember them?”

_“Oh yeah, those two old friends of yours? How did that happen, I thought they hated your guts,”_

Mikasa gave a proud smile that no one would ever see. “I met Armin at my work, and things just spiraled from there. I told you, I’m changing. I’m slowly going to get my friends back into my life, you’ll see.”

_“Not if I don’t care, I won’t.”_

Mikasa sighed, shaking her head, smiling.  “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I’m off, I have _friends_ waiting,”

_“Alright. See you-“_

“Wait!” She said, with a sneaky smile.

_“What?”_

“I looovvee youuuu,” She said, laughing shortly afterwards, taking the piss out of what he said earlier.

He sighed. _“Oh fuck off. Anyway, you should remember that while you can, because I’m never saying it again!”_

The call ended abruptly, and Mikasa smiled, getting off of the toilet, and making her way out of the bathroom.

When she re-entered the living room, Eren and Jean hadn’t moved positions, but both held cups of coffee, as did Annie and Armin, who were sitting opposite them. There was luckily, a single white chair, which of course matched the rest of the couch’s.

“Hey, who was that?” Jean asked, sipping his drink, as Mikasa grabbed hers from the glass table in the middle off the couch’s. She sat down and took a sip, delighted to find sugar in it, as it was her favorite.

“Jean! Do you know nothing about manners!”

Mikasa spoke up. “No no, it’s okay! It was just my brother, Levi.”

Armin gave Eren a sheepish look. “Christ, remember him Eren, you were practically terrified of the dude.”

Eren took a sip of his coffee. “Still am,” He said nonchalantly. “Even though he’s tiny, he could probably beat my ass in a single minute,” Jean let out a snort, while Eren glanced at Mikasa. “What did he want?”

“Oh, well, I don’t really know if I should be sharing, but his girlfriend, Petra, she’s in hospital, and he rung me earlier asking for help with the cost of treatment and stuff. I agreed, on the terms he actually starts treating me like his sister again.”

Armin gave a proud smile. “Oh Mikasa, that’s so nice of you!” Annie nodded in agreement. Mikasa smiled at looked down at her drink.

“It’s the least I could do. I mean, he practically raised me as a child, I guess I owe him his much.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jean said. “But do you know what’s even more important than that?”

Everyone looked at him in awe, wondering what words were going to exit his mouth. “Remember how hot Petra was?”

Annie shook her head, and Armin sighed. Eren lifted his head toward Jean and nodded in agreement. “Christ,” Mikasa said. “If Levi was here, you’d be a dead man, Jean.”

He held on hand up in surrender. “True,” He sipped his coffee. “I’ll take my chances.”

The conversation moved along to different topics, and the smile on Mikasa’s face became more and more genuine. Eren could not stop gazing at her every time she laughed, or giggled, or did anything, and he refused to figure out why. She was obviously attractive, but that wasn’t just it. It was something about her face, seeing it after all these years, made it so much more precious. He was scared that if things went backwards, if he never saw her again, he’d want to remember how she looked. That was his excuse, anyway.

The group got onto the topic of forgiveness and acceptance. Eren, Armin and Mikasa couldn’t, and still haven’t accepted what happened back then, that was clear. Mikasa finally felt comfortable talking about it, and what they were going to do about it.

“Why not go back to the place where it happened, maybe that will be some kind of acceptance idea,” Jean suggested.

“You know, that’s not a bad idea.” Armin agreed.

Eren continued looking at Mikasa. “I don’t know, Mikasa might not-“

“No, I mean, it could work, right? It sounds a little scary, but Jean’s right, maybe it will help, in a weird way. I think I understand where he’s coming from.”

“Only problem is, I have no idea where it actually happened. Somewhere along a motorway somewhere, right?” Armin said, trying to recall a name or a place.

Annie placed her finished cup of coffee on the table. “Why not go back to your old school, and talk to the principal. He should have some sort of record of that.”

“Hey, you’re right, Ann!”

“It’s Annie-“

“Mind if I tag along?” Jean said with a smirk, in Mikasa’s direction.

Armin shook his head. “Sorry Jean. No offense, but for starters, you weren’t even there. This should just be the three of us. I’m in, Eren?”

Eren pondered at the thought of going back there. It scared him, but he needed this as much as they did. “I’m in.”

“M-Mikasa?”

She was in a daze, seemingly staring at nothing, but drinking everything in around. Going back... there? It was terrify her, surely, but, maybe, just maybe this would help her. Going with Armin and Eren would maybe make the experience a little better, perhaps even fun, for a little while. Like a road trip. Mikasa didn’t know if she was willing to face her demons, until she recalled her conversation with Levi yet again.

_“I’m changing, Levi. I’m standing up for myself, after seven years of shriveling away, I’m fucking standing up, and I am going to prove to people that I matter.”_

Everyone stared at her, awaiting her response.

“Okay,” She said bravely, breathing in, closing her eyes, gripping her cup as tightly as she could. “I’ll go.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio visit their old school, in hopes of gaining some much needed documents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had quite a lot of fun writing this chapter, although it took me 5 hours... I'm surprised my fingers don't hurt, I think they're getting used to long periods of typing now. Woo. @littleswagmonster damn Beth, back at it again with the previews. (it's okay to shoot me)  
> Enjoy Chapter 8!

Chapter 8

Midnight purred, closing her eyes in delight as Mikasa found the perfect spot to scratch at. Her bottom perked up a little, her long silky black tail curling over, and her light paws tread near Mikasa’s hip. She had her back lent up against the sofa, and her bare pale legs were drew up in an arc shape, letting Midnight constantly go back and forth between them as much as she liked. Mikasa was only wearing an oversized white t-shirt, yet the coldness that intruded her apartment was refreshing. Midnight had been meowing and moaning outside to be let in, and Mikasa couldn’t resist not letting her in.

As she continued to scratch Midnight’s fur in any way she asked for, Mikasa stared out of her big, double glass windows. The stars could be seen, and that always seemed to make her happier. She had gotten back from Jean’s about two hours ago, having let Armin drop her off. Something about being there made her feel a lot more at home than it did being in her actual home. Being surrounded by people she had the pleasure of calling her friends again, (including Annie) made her feel finally wanted again.

The raven had thought about a lot over the past two hours, but the most primitive thought was the fact that she had agreed to go back to where it all happened. She wasn’t entirely sure she could do it. Maybe she’d freak out and ask to turn back, or couldn’t handle the pressure on herself. Recalling the words of the old man on the bus made her realize she had to do it.

_“Before you can let them forgive you, you need to forgive yourself first. That’s the only way you can move on from whatever it is that’s keeping you up most nights.”_

Back then, she didn’t really understand how that would help at all, but now, seeing the stars reflected in the window, and hearing the slight hum of traffic below, and the way Midnight purred in delight, she knew. To continue her life, she had to let this go. It would be difficult; of course it would be. Letting yourself know that you made mistakes before, admitting you were wrong and owning up to it, was a difficult thing to try and achieve, especially by yourself. But, now that she had Eren and Armin back at her side, the world was their oyster, and she felt like she could do anything again.

Midnight had had enough of being stroked, and sat on her two back feet, staring deeply into Mikasa’s eyes. She smiled at Midnight, closing her eyes and sighing with a smile.

“You know,” She began, “A lot of things have all fallen into place recently. Maybe finding that old diary of mine was fate, huh, Midnight? I bet you planned that, didn’t you, you sly kitty!”

Mikasa gained a meow in response. “I knew it.” She said giggling. “I wonder if Eren still likes cats as much as I do...” She trailed off.

Eren had also taken a lot of space in her thoughts. She often caught herself gazing at him for awkwardly long amounts of time, in which cases sometimes he noticed, looking in the opposite direction and blushing, and other times he did not. He suddenly meant as much as he did back before again, which Mikasa didn’t protest. She found herself wanting to be around him more and more each day, and couldn’t figure out why. Things were slowly beginning to become the norm for her, so she refused to acknowledge the butterflies she got whenever he spoke to her.

Snapping herself away from him, she glanced back at Midnight, who yawned. “I wonder what your owner would say if they found out you came here all the time,” Mikasa muttered, Midnight giving a low meow in return, almost a sigh, getting up and stretching her legs before sauntering out of the door.

“Go on then, I’ll see you soon.” Mikasa felt odd talking to a cat, but Midnight always seemed to respond. Midnight gave one last long look, bowing her head before jumping on the rails of the balcony, and leaving.

The raven herself yawned, and decided to visit the land of make believe.

 

* * *

 

 

The green shitty car pulled up to a small space in the school parking space. Armin parked the car, cutting out the engine.

“I hope you guys are happy, I closed up early for this.” Mikasa swallowed. Being at her old school brought back good and bad memories, but mostly bad ones. She decided she couldn’t face this, as having to face the thing that ruined her life was the only thing she was willing to do.

“Yeah yeah, now come on, let’s get inside-“ Armin got cut off by Mikasa’s voice.

“I-I can’t do it, guys. I don’t mind waiting here for you.”

Eren’s eyes shrunk a little at Mikasa’s sudden protest. “Come on Mikasa, it will be-“

“That’s fine. Eren, don’t worry about it; she can wait here if she wants. This place probably isn’t being very kind to her right now.” Armin stated, gripping Eren’s arm.

His eyes looked down, before his pupils became bigger at the sudden thought he just had. “Well, at least let me wait here with you. Armin’s doing all the talking anyway, so I don’t even really need to be there.”

Mikasa thought that company would be nice, otherwise the only sound she would have heard waiting for them would of been the games on her phone. She nodded slowly, looking back at Armin.

He put his hands up, as his eyebrows raised a little. “Well, alright. See you in a few, then.” He opened the car door, and stepped out, brushing blonde hair out his eyes.

“Good luck!” Eren shouted, perhaps a little too loudly, as the only response he gained was an eye roll and smile.

There was about five minutes of awkward silence, before the sound of muffled sobs could be heard. Eren whipped his head backwards to see a teary eyed Mikasa, hands over her mouth.

“M-Mikasa? What’s wrong?” He unbuckled his seat-belt, and turned around in his seat to face her properly.

“I-it’s n...nothing,” Mikasa cried out between sobs and gasps.

“Oh don’t give me that crap. If it weren’t nothing you wouldn’t be crying. Please tell me, I don’t like seeing you cry,” He said in a soft yet strong tone.

Her eyes widened a little hearing that. “It’s j-just this...being h-here, it’s m....making everything harder for –for me...I sound like a baby, I know. There should of b-been so many other people graduating-g that year...and yet...and y-yet...”

Eren slowly reached his hand out. “Hey, come on, enough of that-“

“AND YET IT WAS THREE OF US! THREE!”

Eren’s hand stopped, his pupils being nonexistent.  It was paused in mid air, awkwardly. Although things had been looking up for Mikasa, she had being experiencing terrible PTSD just from being in the car. Deciding not to go with Armin was probably one of the best decisions she had ever made.

His tanned hand began to move again, clasping her pale shaky one. He held it in its place for a few moments, before taking it and placing it on his own chest. She felt his heartbeat for what felt like the first time, yet the rhythm sunk into her hand like it had been missing this. Emerald’s pierced the bottom of the ocean, and Mikasa held his gaze.

“Stop. Stop it. Seeing you like this, in all this distress, makes me feel sick. I know there’s not much I can do, but we’ll be leaving soon, and...and...” He was truly and utterly lost for words. Seeing her like this, made him distressed, knowing there was nothing he could really do about it.

“Just...please stop crying. Please, Mikasa.”

Tears betrayed his request, as they fell down her cheeks. He clutched her hand tighter, as a beg to try and calm her. Even after everything that she’s been through, Mikasa still felt weak crying in front of others. Every tear that fell was a memory gained, and she felt as if she were drowning. After a few minutes of nothing but hiccups and sobs, her tears finally settled back down from her dark weary eyes. Her hand remained on his chest, and when he finally looked back at her from the confusion of silence, she felt his heart race that little bit faster.

She reluctantly retracted her arm. “I’m sorry...for all that,” She wiped her face with her now free hand. “I guess I just needed to get it out of my system.”

“Don’t apologise for things like that, you couldn’t help it. A lot of things have happened these past few days, it’s a lot to take in.” He said, scratching his head.

Mikasa looked down at the hand that Eren had held, making it feel more special. “Yeah, I guess.” Once she looked up, she saw an irritated Armin walking fast pace toward the vehicle. “Don’t tell him!” She spluttered.

Eren looked back at her with slight confusion, then finally realizing what she meant. He nodded, agreeing out of respect. Armin got back into the car, and drummed his hands loudly on the wheel, making the last one loud and exaggerated. “Damn,” He said, the annoyance in his voice being potent.

“What, what happened in there?”

Armin sighed, closing his eyes. “They wouldn’t tell me. ‘They’ being our old principal,-“

“No way!? He’s still there?” Eren asked, with a slight smile on him. “Jesus, he must be what, like eighty?”

“No he’s not, surprisingly. I didn’t ask of course, but he looked well for someone I’d say was in their sixties?”

Mikasa’s eyes widened, surprised at the new information. “So he should be retiring soon, right?” She questioned.

“I’ve got no clue. He didn’t mention anything like that. But look, anyway, he wouldn’t tell me, because of privacy and all that stuff. You guys wouldn’t understand it,” He said, muttering the last bit, although they heard.

“Rude.” Eren mumbled crossing his arms.

“What are we going to do now, then? We have no one else to ask.” Mikasa said, as worry filled her voice. Although she felt bad, she also couldn’t help feeling a tiny bit or relief, at the factor that they might not be able to go anymore.

Armin shrugged, sighing once more. “I have no idea-“

“I got it!” Eren shouted, perhaps a little too loudly. He turned to face both Mikasa and Armin, a wide yet sly grin plastered on his face.

“What,” They both said in a dry unison, clearly not trusting whatever he was about to say.

“We’ll come back here later tonight, break in, and-“

“What?!”

“No,” Armin stopped him mid sentence, holding his palm up flat. “No, no and no. We are not doing something ILLEGAL just to get a bunch of paper.”

Eren gave pathetic puppy dog eyes, and Armin rolled his eyes, swatting his arm. “Hear me out?” The blonde sighed, but waved his hand, marking it as a gesture for him to continue.

“Right. So, maybe I could have rephrased that a little better. But it’s the same basic principal, right? All we got to do is get in somehow, go to his office, shift about through the filing cabinets which I assume they have, find those documents, and leave. Simple right?”

The same copy paste expression was planted on both Armin and Mikasa’s faces. Utter confusion, and a mix of ‘no’. Armin was the first to respond, not before rubbing one side of his face quite vigorously.

“Right, this ‘breaking and entering’ part. How do you expect to achieve this, hmm?” 

Eren shrugged, scratching the back of his head whilst chuckling. “I didn’t phrase it like that! And I don’t know, you’re the brains here blondie.”

He sighed, and gave his attention to Mikasa. “How badly to you want to go back there?” He asked.

Mikasa frowned. “It’s not just about me. It’s for all of us, you know. You all of people should know it will help us somehow, don’t you agree? If we can do it, I think we should. Not for me, but for us, as a group.”

Armin shook his head before holding up his hands in defeat. Seeing Mikasa’s face made him realize they were lucky to have her back here, trying everything she could to get herself redemption. He wasn’t a person to deny that from her. “You know what? Fine, fine. We’ll do it, but I’m just letting you know I think this is a terrible idea and I’m terribly uncomfortable with it-“

“Great! Then it’s settled!” Eren said enthusiastically, as Armin put the keys in and started up the engine. As the car pulled out, Mikasa received a backwards glance from Eren, eyebrows pointed down at the back, showing sympathy. Mikasa understood what he was trying to say; _“Will you be okay with this, going back there tonight?”_

She responded with a warm smile, her cheeks lifted a little. _“Yeah, I’ll be okay.”_

He smiled back, looking away from her. _“Okay.”_

An awkward cough erupted from Armin. “So uh, what’s with the awkward staring guys?”

Whipping his head toward Armin, Eren began to protest. “Oh leave off, Ar! It’s not like that...”

Their voices seemed to fade, as Mikasa shook hands with the familiar flashes of sunlight through the trees; a friend of her’s that she had become accustomed to seeing.

 

* * *

 

 

Night time was and always had been her favorite of the day. The air always seemed so much clean and crisper, and it was the only time she could catch the stars, as well as the moon, shining brightly if clouds didn’t occupy the space. Something about the blackness around her always seemed to intrigue her; like something was waiting for her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Eren’s announcement.

“Hey, uh, Armin, could you hurry it up man? I’m freezing my ass here.”

Armin huffed a scoff, the cold air from his breath visible. “Would you be quiet? We’re going to get caught if you keep talking unnecessarily like that. And think of Mikasa, the girl’s only wearing a thin leather jacket. That thought enough to shut you up?”

Eren’s head whipped to Mikasa, seeing her stand shivering, arms wrapped around herself. He couldn’t stand seeing her like that. He didn’t know if the cold was entirely to blame for her shaking, but none the less he began to strip of his coat. Being the selfless person he is, Eren handed out his coat for her to take. She gave the coat a look, and then glanced at Eren, looking in another direction. Although it was dark, the blush on his face was potent, and noticeable.

“Eren, you were literally complaining about being cold like five seconds ago. I’m not taking-“

“Do me a favor and take the damn coat.”

Mikasa gingerly took it out of his hands, and muttered a thank you while putting it on. It was pretty warm, and she silently thanked Armin in her head, as she was really cold.

“I don’t think he needs it anymore Mikasa, it’s getting pretty hot out here.” Armin said, turning his head, cracking a sly grin. He received death glares from the both of them.

“No? Okay,” He muttered, turning his head back to what he was trying to concentrate on. “I’ll stick with breaking locks and not comedy, then.”

For about ten minutes, Armin had been trying to unlock, or possibly break the lock to the back entrance of the school. The only reason he knew how to break locks was because of Eren’s persistent asking of him to look it up, specifically for tonight. He gathered it could be handy in other situations anyway. Well, that was his excuse.

Mikasa pulled her phone out of her pocket, and the bright light caused her to squint her eyes. The time shown was ten past twelve, and she was already pretty tired. She unlocked her phone, and her eyes flickered to the camera app, releasing a very important detail.

“Hey...uh guys? Did you stop to think that there might be cameras around here?”

Eren gasped, almost in a comical way, while Armin nodded. “Yes, don’t worry, I did think about that. While Eren was napping, I did some research on our school. They do have cameras here, but they are really expensive, so they couldn’t afford too many. I don’t think there are any inside though. Then again, we will still have to be careful, and assume that there _are_ cameras in there, so we don’t end up doing anything stupid.”

Finally, they all heard something snap. A very quiet cheer erupted from Armin and Eren, while Mikasa smiled putting away her phone. The lock was placed in Armin’s own coat pocket, so it reminded him to put it on later, which he also learned how to do. The three of them silently shuffled inside, and each of them produced their phone’s turning on the flashlight feature.

“Okay, remember, no mucking about. That was to you, Eren,” Eren grunted. “We’ll go to the office, and get searching.”

A quick walk through the school grounds, and hallways gave Mikasa the amount of nostalgia she needed. Doses upon doses leaked into her brain, as she continued to walk a little behind the boys. She took her time in looking at each and every detail, and even sometimes taking a quick peek in some classes. She was confident in the fact that this wasn’t upsetting her, just, pleasing her.

Armin recommended someone stood watch outside the office door, just in case a cleaner was still here, which would be very unlikely, but they didn’t want to take any chances. Mikasa offered, not really wanting to face those documents. As the door shut on her, she slowly slid down the wall next to it, and hugged her knees to her chest.

It had only been about five minutes, and during that time Mikasa had heard a number of _“Don’t touch that Eren!”_ and _“Put that down, Eren!”_ through the door. The door squeaked open, and Armin shoved Eren out mumbling a loud “You take him!” before slamming the door.

Eren gave Mikasa a sheepish look, while she just rolled her eyes. “You were only in there five minutes, how did you manage to annoy him so quickly?”

Eren shrugged, sliding down next to Mikasa. “I don’t know. He found all the papers, and I was getting bored. He thought I would break something!”

Mikasa looked to the other side. “Well, it is you, Eren...” She muttered. “So, he managed to find it then?”

“Well, he found our class papers, but there was a whole pile of the stuff, so he’s going to be there a while.”

“I see.” She responded blankly.

There were silent for a while, like they had been back in the car, but this silence felt more welcomed; accepting. It wasn’t awkward, as they were both in their own little worlds. That was until Eren spoke his mind.

“Do you...do you maybe want to go and explore this place? You know, take a look around?” He asked.

“As much as I’d love to, we have been instructed by our blonde savior to stay here and keep watch.”

Eren turned to face her, moving his whole body so it was leaning on his two arms. “Mikasa. Mikasa. Really. Be honest with me, do you really think someone is here with us, in this school right now?” She didn’t respond, her eyes adjusting a little better to the constant darkness.

“Exactly. Armin is just...being Armin. Come on, it’ll be fun,” He boldly stated, lifting himself off of the floor, and reaching out a hand for her to take. She would like to look around the school, and recall the good times, in hopes of the bad times leaving her. She slowly moved her eyes upward to meet a grin. Mikasa placed her hand in his, and he pulled her up. Once she had straightened herself out, he began walking, but didn’t let go.

He didn’t let go of her hand.

It was as soft as it always had been, and she endured the butterflies that leapt about her stomach, doing flips and turns. She felt the crimson rise in her cheeks, as he led her away from the office, and into a hallway full of lockers and classrooms.

“This...is only for a short while, okay? Armin’s done a lot for us recently, and I don’t want to ignore that by going against his wishes, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah...” He trailed off, deeply interested in the scenery and not Mikasa’s words.

“Eren-“

He sighed, pausing a moment. He turned his head slightly to look back. “Five minutes. That sound better?”

Mikasa nodded, and they continued to walk side by side, hand in hand down the hallway. Lockers filled each side of the wall, and what they assumed to be locked doors. Despite this fact, Eren still tried wriggling the odd door every now and then. They came to the end of the hallway, and Eren, much to both their dismay, let go of Mikasa’s hand to try one last door. His slightly sweaty hand gripped the handle, and to their surprise, it opened.

“Holy shit...we can’t actually go in there, can we...?”

“Sure we can!” Eren stated enthusiastically. He walked in, and they were both greeted with a pretty neat classroom, chairs still stacked on top of single desks. Eren walked up into the middle, taking the middle seat and sitting on it, slouching. He gave Mikasa a smirk, and she got an idea.

She shut the door, and walked to the front of the almost empty class. “Good day, children,” She said between giggles, in a pathetically bad ‘posh’ voice. She folded her arms and stood up straight. “Today we are leaning about....um....”

“How babies are made!” Eren perked up, in a very squeaky voice. Mikasa failed to stifle a laugh, and pointed at Eren.

“Yes! That! I mean, uh...that is what we are learning about today,” A giggle, “Children.” She added. 

Eren raised his hand, sitting up straight in his chair, taking this joke full on. “Miss!”

“What is it, Eren?”

He chuckled before returning to his squeaky voice. “How are the babies actually made? How do they get in the stomach?” He slouched back in his chair, folding his arms, smirking.

Mikasa laughed a full laugh, covering her face with her hands. Eren just smiled at the sight of her being happy and comfortable, despite the environment she was in. He just smiled and smiled at her, and how truly beautiful she looked when she laughed.

“Well, um, when a Daddy and Mummy love each other very much, they, um...” She couldn’t stop the giggles coming through, readying herself for what she was about to shout. She looked at a smirking wide eyed Eren, his flat palm moving in a circle, a gesture she knew to be ‘carry on’.

“They FUCK! They have hardcore, kinky sex, maybe even whips; who knows. Mummy is into that shit...”

Eren gave a laugh covering his face with one hand, looking down shaking his head. “Christ, Mikasa.”

She pulled a pose, one hand on her hip. “Ta dah!”

“Remind me to never recommend you a job in teaching.” He said, rising from his seat, going to the edge of the classroom, digging through wooden cabinets, to try and find something interesting.

“Oh, I will. Fuck trying to teach anything to anyone _. Ever_.” She stated, as Eren continued to move around in the cabinets. She went over to the window, and looked outside. A view of the main gate of the school could be seen, and dim lights accompanied the small car park. The night was still young in the raven’s eyes, and she looked up, and seeing the stars that usually greeted her alone, made her feel all that much happier.

“Hey Mika! Think fast!”

She whipped her head around, knowing what that meant. A book came flying at her at an almost terrifying speed, and being blessed with quick reactions, Mikasa ducked, squealing in the process, letting the book thump the window, and hit the floor.

“Nice reactions you got there, Mikasa.” He said, grinning and leaning against the cupboards.

“Oh shut up,” She said giggling, picking the book up off of the floor. “Well wouldn’t you believe it, it’s a book about reproductive organs.” Mikasa stated, flicking through the pages.

“It is not!” Eren chortled, pushing off of the cupboards and making his way over to see if she was telling the truth or not. As soon as he made his way to her side, she shoved the book playfully in his face, and scampered away, running through the tables. A dumbstruck Eren pulled the book of off his face, discovering that is was actually a text book about different types of species of frogs. He immediately felt sorry for anyone who had the misfortune of reading this book.

He stalked around the tables, giving Mikasa a playful smirk, planning his revenge. “Hey, do you want to know what this book is really about? It’s about fucking frogs, Mikasa. FROGS!” She threw her head back in laughter. “Learn something with this!” He said in a slightly raised voice, chucking the book at her. It hit her, right in the belly, and she fell to the floor, squealing in agony.

“Ow!” She moaned. Eren immediately felt bad, and rushed over to her. He held up her back, as she slowly sat up.

“Hey are you-“

He had been played again. In a blink of an eye, all he could see was words and darkness. She had yet again, shoved the book in his face. He heard her giggles, and couldn’t resist but do the same to her. As soon as he tore the book off of his face, he had on back on the floor, giggles and all, ready to throw the book, when they heard an audible rip. They both paused and went to look at the book. What was left of the book. It had torn in two, and after a brief second of worry, they both burst out with laughter. In a flash of a few minutes, they had shoved the broken book back in its original place, and were giggling, running wildly through the hallways. The air around them was filled with echoed odd animal noises, and giggles.

Right before they got to the doors of the gym, Mikasa playfully shoved Eren back, so she could get in first. He smiled after her, running in to catch up with her. She was standing still looking at some P.E mats, when he tackled her with tickles. He remembered she _hated_ those. She squealed loudly, doubling over in protest. His hands tickled at her sides, and as much as she tried to wiggle away, she couldn’t. In doing so, however, she toppled over, luckily onto the mats, Eren of course going with her.

After finishing up their laughter, things quietened down. Mikasa was still lying down, as was Eren, yet his arm propped his head up, so he could talk to her easier.

“That was fun,”

“Sure was.”

Silence again. The comfortable silence she felt earlier. Peaceful. They had time to collect their thoughts, to catch their breaths.

“Can I ask you something, Mikasa?”

Her breath hitched a little at this. It was always a daunting thing when someone said this. “S-Sure,”

He gulped, unsure of the response he would gain. “Well, uh, a while back. When you were explaining what happened, you stated that you had a crush on me. I-I just thought I’d ask just in case you were joking or something, but did you really like me?”

Mikasa closed her eyes, and sighed. “Yeah, I did.” She gave a sad chuckle. “Lost cause though, right?”

“I had no idea. Honestly I didn’t.”

“Yeah, I kind of gathered that. It’s fine.”

Eren brushed some silky black hair out of her eyes so she could see. Mostly so he could look into them, though. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Mikasa scoffed, holding her arms up in the air, letting them wobble around a little. “Eren, I was a fifteen or sixteen year old girl with a hopeless crush, how do you think I felt knowing the response would be awkward? I stayed quiet for our friendships sake, but I guess after what happened, it didn’t matter much.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I thought you were really pretty!”

She rolled her eyes, swatting his arm. “Oh thanks, sixteen year old me feels much better already!” She said, the sarcasm leaking through her tone. “I don’t mean to toot my own horn here, but I’d say an average of most normal guys would have found me attractive back then, it doesn’t mean much.”

“No, you don’t get it-“               

“What do I ‘not get’ exactly?” She questioned. He gulped yet again.

“I still think....” He paused, having Mikasa turn her head to listen to him. “I still think that. But I’ve changed the word from pretty to...gorgeous. Stunning. Even when you cry. Even when your scrunch your face up in confusion. Even when you laugh really hard, and it turns into a cackle.” He smiled at her, noticing her pupils dilate.

“You...really think that, about me? After everything?” Mikasa dropped her hands to her side, and Eren found one to grip tightly, bringing it up to his cheek.

“Mikasa, the past doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Her heart stopped. _What did he mean by that?_ Blush overtook either one’s cheeks, and they felt very warm together. They gave off an ora that was certainly special.  Before Mikasa got an answer to her question, Armin’s voiced boomed through the room.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to ruin your date, but uh, I’m done with shifting through these papers. Please, don’t be ashamed to stop because I’m here. I’ll wait.” He said. They both caught the sense of annoyance in his voice.

“Armin, I’m sorry, we just to wanted took look around, and-“  Mikasa manage to stutter out before getting interrupted.

“I got arrested because of you two!”

They glanced at each other, and gave Armin a blank look. “It was a joke- you know what never mind, let’s go. I got the documents, so we can leave. Unless you don’t want to-“

Eren quickly got up and made his way over to Armin. “Let’s go.” He huffed making his way to the exit, not looking forward to his endless teasing.

“You coming, Mikasa?”

A plethora of thoughts came in like wave after wave. Recalling this evenings events in a weird flash of colours, and seeing Eren’s face, made her feel warm inside. She thought about every single little thing he said to her in detail, over analyzing everything. She lay there, wondering why she couldn’t get him out her head. She refused to let herself say she was falling for him again. She wouldn’t. She would do everything in her power to stop that from happening.  She arose from her space on the mats, and shook hair out of her eyes. One thing she could thank her for, was making her not worry about the bad memories. Perhaps that’s why he did all that stuff. To make her forget.

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a flashback occurs, the trio decide to leave early toward their fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo I had the first part of this sitting in my documents for what felt like 10 years, and after a short case of writers block I managed to finish it. Yay for me. Just to note- I am not from America land, so I aplogise if in future (or even in this chapter) I get things wrong, or names of places wrong, or just anything really. As this story is set in America, I for some reason am spelling the words in American (is that a thing?) so there's that. I don't know why, I guess I just felt like it ???? (blossom wut r u doin)   
> Enjoy Chapter 9!

Chapter 9

All she could smell was smoke, and the burning of wood around her. Mikasa had yet to open her eyes; not that she wanted to. Yet she was confused, she slowly lifted her heavy eye lids. It was foggy around her, and she was lying down on a smashed window. Underneath, a littered floor covered with leaves, and bits of broken glass. Mikasa didn’t even want to try and sit up, as her leg and shoulder ached terribly. She glanced up in front of her, to where she only greeted with one seat, the other clearly had been ripped from its position, yet she didn’t know where it had gone.

She soon came to the realization that the coach was tipped onto its left side, and tears welled up in her eyes. She let them leak down her face, and she tried to sit up. However, she couldn’t move. Looking down her body, she found that her leg, the one that had been aching, was trapped under the missing seat. Mikasa couldn’t reach to move it, nor was she even strong enough. Panicked filled her mind as much as the smoke had in her nose. She found herself struggling to breathe, and gasped for air, to try and call for someone.

Mikasa hacked up a cough from deep within her lungs, as she desperately tried to call out for someone. “H...Help! Someone, anyone? Please,” She lay back down on the glass, which she was certain had cut her back up, but she didn’t care. Her leg was throbbing too much for her to even notice. She could wiggle it, so it wasn’t broken or squashed, which was a slight relief.

The injured raven tried looking through the gaps of what remained of the chairs behind her, to see if they were still there. From what she could lay her eyes upon, the coach was cluttered, and there was blood. Mikasa could see blood.

“Eren...Eren? Eren are you there? Armin...? A-Anyone?” She said shakily, sobbing.

No response. Her eyes flickered around from what she could see at her view point, and they landed on something diagonally above her. Suspended from their seat belts, were Connie and Sasha. They hung there, lifeless, slowly swinging like piñatas. Color had left them, drained through loss of blood, which Mikasa had just noticed that it covered her. So she shrieked. And howled. She screamed her lungs out, in fear of being the last one here. That she would perish here, like they had. She panicked at how many were left alive. _What if she was the only one left...?_  

Rustles of leaves could be heard outside, through the top of the coach. “Armin, I definitely heard something,”

Mikasa’s eyes shot open as soon as she heard the worry and sobs through Eren’s voice.

“No you didn’t, please, let’s just leave, I can’t be here anymore-“

“EREN! HELP ME!” Mikasa shouted as loud as she could. Bangs on the top of the coach were followed after she had voiced that she was alive.

“Mikasa...MIKASA? Is that you? Oh god, please say it’s you!”

She tried to sit up to get closer to the top of the coach, so her shaky voice could be more audible and clear. “Yes, it’s me! Please, please come and help me! My legs stuck, and I don’t know if it’s broken and...and...” She allowed herself time to let out a sob. “Please help me!”

Crunching sounds could be heard, and they were getting quieter and quieter. Mikasa refrained from looking upward, so shut her eyes, still letting the tears fall down.

Suddenly, a loud bang was heard, coming from in front of the seat in front of Mikasa. She looked through the gap, and saw that the top of the coach had been dented.

“Eren, please be careful! It’s okay Mikasa, we’re coming,” Armin said reassuringly, although he also had his own share of sobs. She then heard a small snap above her head, and reluctantly looked up to see Connie closer to her then he was before.

“Please hurry!” Mikasa said, scrunching her eyes up into tight balls of water. Finally, the coach gave way to Eren’s persistent bashing. He stepped inside, covering his eyes slightly. He made his way carefully to her, and his own eyes filled with water looking at the state she was in. Without any thought for himself, Eren immediately lifted the seat that covered her leg, almost knocking Connie in the process.

He knelt down next to her to check if she was injured anywhere else. “Can you walk?”

Mikasa shook her head, which led to Eren picking her up bridal style, also picking up her bag which was luckily found next to her, and carrying her out of the coach. Once he was reunited with Armin outside, the three took a look at what was their ride.

It was tipped on its side, and had clearly crashed into a few trees on the way down. Mikasa’s gripped Eren’s shirt as some sort of support, although it didn’t help much. The trio let out sobs, and silent head shakes of disbelief.

“Is...is it just us?” Mikasa questioned, not really wanting to hear the answer.

“Yeah...I-I think so,” Armin said gulping. “When we checked, everyone was...they were...” He held an arm over his eyes, finishing his sentence with a cry.

Mikasa looked up at Eren, who was crying, but still in utter disbelief, like it hadn’t happened.

“What do we do now...?”

“The only thing we can do,” Eren said in a broken voice, “Walk until we find help,” He said gripping onto tighter to Mikasa’s legs, as he turned around, Armin following suit.

Thoughts of how or why this happened abruptly came into her mind. This was her fault; all of this. Her selfishness had gotten the better of her, and she had killed all of those innocent people. If Eren or Armin found out, they’d hate her for sure. She turned her head back slightly to see the damage she caused, to see all the dead people she was being carried away from. This factor made her cry harder, yet Eren and Armin never questioned her about this. They let her cry.

 

* * *

 

 

Mikasa woke up with a jolt, startling herself. She sat up immediately, getting familiar with her surroundings. She wasn’t at home. She began to look around the room. Posters of games and movies took center stage in whoever's room this was. It was a little messy, with clothes being around the floor, and empty rubbish packets of snacks were surrounding the bin. There was a desk that had a laptop occupying it, and a shitty brown swivel chair was placed neatly underneath. She then turned to the nightstand, which had a broken lamp on it, and a stack of magazines, some to do with gaming, and others to do with porn. Whoever this was clearly had no shame.

She stretched, swinging her legs over the bed, as she rubbed her eyes, trying to forget the horrible dream she had. Yet, it was no dream, more like a flashback. Mikasa wondered if it was her PTSD coming back again, but chose to ignore it.

Grabbing onto the door handle, she opened the door slowly, still unsure of where she was. Panic left her as soon as she found out she was in Eren and Armin’s apartment. Familiar surroundings greeted her, as well as Armin, Annie and Eren.

“Morning, sleepy head,” Eren met her with a cheesy grin. Mikasa’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“Someone care to explain what I’m doing here,” She looked down at her clothing suddenly, to find she was wearing an over sized _Game of Thrones_ t-shirt, “And why I’m suddenly a fan of Game of Thrones?”

Armin sat down next to Eren on the couch, eating some toast while Eren sipped a milkshake. Annie was busy making coffee, once again.

“Ah yes, well, you fell asleep on the car ride back here, and it was late and night and we didn’t want to wake you, so we came to the decision just to let you sleep. We then realized we didn’t know where you lived, so the next best thing was just to let you sleep here. Eren gave up his bed for you, would you know,”

Mikasa gave an approving nod, folding her arms. “Thank you, Eren. Was the couch comfy?”

“Oh, as comfy as they get.”

She giggled. “And the t-shirt?” Armin pointed to Eren. Mikasa’s raised her eye brows. “Oh god, you didn’t undress me did you?”

“What? No! You would get too hot sleeping in my coat, but I didn’t want you to freeze as the heating is shit here, so I just pulled that over your head. Be grateful.” He said, as he continued to sip nonchalantly.

“I see,”

Annie’s way of greeting was the best; a hot cup of freshly made coffee. She smiled as she handed it to her, before sitting next to Armin. Mikasa, standing up, sipped her coffee. As much as she would have liked to gulp it down in hopes of forgetting her horrible dreamy flashback, it was too hot to do so.

The door bell rung, and everyone besides the raven groaned. “I’ll get it,” Mikasa said, making her way over to the door.

“No, don’t!”

It was too late for that, as Mikasa had already managed to open the door. Her face dropped, wishing she had groaned with the others when Jean’s flirty grin awaited her.

“Hello there, Mikasa.”

She rolled her eyes, shuffling to go and find a seat on the couch.

“You’re too fucking early,” Eren said, moaning once more.

“Nice to know when I’m wanted. Gee, I have the best friends a guy could ask for. Say Annie, you didn’t happen to save any coffee-“

“It’s in the pot.”

Jean fist pumped the air, making his way over to the cupboard to get out a cup. “So, did you guys manage to find those documents you were after?”

Armin sighed. “Yes, _I_ managed to, anyway. Eren and Mikasa were off doing god knows what around the school,”

“Aw Ar, why you gotta phrase it like that?” Eren protested, as blushed crept onto Mikasa’s face.

Jean wiggled his eyebrows as he poured the coffee carefully into his cup. “Oh-ho! Please, grace us with all the juicy details-“

Eren gave Armin a death stare, while Mikasa begun to protest. “It’s not like that....”

“Oh, I believe you, hun’,” Jean said with a wink, taking his usual space, leaning in his usual spot against the counter. “Anyway, so these documents. What’s in them, anything exciting?”

“Well, I only briefly looked over them before leaving, I’m pretty sure it did say something about where it happened. They’re on the table if you want to pass them over, Jean,” Armin asked.

He mumbled a ‘sure’ and pushed off the counter, picking them up without looking at them, slinging them over to Armin, making him almost spill his drink. He shot a look at Jean before opening them up, placing his drink on the wobbly coffee table. He hummed, glossing over the details, his eyes moving back and forth at an almost scary pace.

“Aren’t you worried that they’ll know these are missing? I mean you did ask to get them before doing something illegal to get them, right?” Jean queried.

“Eh, they won’t bother checking,” Armin stated boldly, still flicking through the words at fast pace. “Ah, here’s something,”

Everyone leaned in a little, to hear what had to be said.

“The coach left around 12pm, with precisely a one or two hour journey ahead. About an hour into the journey, the class stopped for gas. After getting back on the coach, they journeyed for another half an hour before the crash took place. The crash took place along the M-185, Michigan- that’s it! That’s where we need to go!”

“Still a little vague, don’t you think Ar?” Eren said, placing his finished drink on the table.

Armin sighed. “Yeah I guess so. Let’s see...” He continued reading fast pace, flicking through the pages until he got to the last page. “Hmm, says here that they erected a plaque, in memory of those who lost their lives.”

Mikasa shifted uncomfortably in her seat. All this talk about what happened was making her a little giddy, and not in the good way. Although she felt like she had made progress, as before it couldn’t even be mentioned without her wanting to curl up into a ball and cry, sometimes, it did still get a bit surreal. Her dreamy flashback she had also didn’t make her current situation much better for her. She often felt as people judged her still for her actions; which, in all fairness, they probably did. But they were coming to a sort of acceptance for it. That’s what it felt like, at least.

“You’ll know where to stop then, right?” Jean questioned.

“Roughly. I guess we’ll just have to look out for it,” Armin replied, not looking up from the papers that covered his lap.

Eren found himself looking at Mikasa again. She was kind of dazed out, staring at nothing in particular. She almost looked like a zombie. Even as he thought this, the gorgeous ora that always seemed to surround her, hadn’t left.

“Hey, Mikasa, are you okay?”

She shook her head slightly, looking up and blinking a lot. “Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m okay,” Eren took her word for it, even though he knew she was lying. Yet, it didn’t bother him for some reason.

“Right,” Jean slammed his cup down on the counter, before throwing his keys in the air and catching them again. Mikasa wondered if he always did that before leaving to go somewhere. “I’m off to work. Annie, need a lift?”

Annie nodded, standing up, leaving her unfinished cup with Armin, as she went to get her things from his room.

“You’re going to work, dressed like that?” Eren scoffed. Jean looked down at himself. He was wearing jeans and a red and white striped t-shirt. He himself thought he was sporting something cool to wear.

“What? Casual Friday, duh”

Eren rolled his eyes, leaning back into the couch. “Get me a job at your work, please,” He said, mumbling. His quest for job hunting had failed him so far.

“Not a chance. My boss would take one look at you and tell you to piss off. Plus, I refuse to work with you, or in fact be around you longer than I have to!”

“You always come over here, we never ask you to!” Eren retorted.

Annie came out of Armin’s bedroom, ready to leave. As they said their goodbyes, Mikasa’s eyes widened at the sudden thought she just had.

“Oh, crap! What day is today?”

“Friday,” Armin replied nonchalantly.

She jumped up from her seat spooking the boys, and pulled herself out of Eren’s t-shirt, letting it silently drop to the floor. Seeing her leather jacket on the coat rack near the door, she flew to grab it.

“I’ve gotta open up the library today! Ah shit,” She hurriedly put her leather jacket on, as well as her shoes.

“Do you want me to drop you there?” Armin said, collecting the papers and putting them on the coffee table in front, ready to stand.

“No, I’ve troubled you enough. Fuck it, I’ll run it. It’s not too far, right?”

 The boys both gave her worried looks at her sudden impulse of exercise.

“And you’re going to work dressed like that?” Eren asked, again.

She looked down at herself. Perhaps black leggings, black boots and a plaid shirt weren’t the best thing for work. She was basically the manager of the library, so she wouldn’t exactly get told off for it. Maybe a few complaints from older customers, but they never bothered her much. Mikasa looked back up at him and smiled.

“Casual Friday, right?” She said with a small smile.

Gaining only smiles in return, Mikasa took it as her cue to leave. As she opened the door, Eren’s voice loudly echoed through the apartment.

“Wait!”

She flew her head around, hoping whatever he had to say would be quick. Black hair molded around her finally settled face, wide eyes open at Eren. Armin also looked inquisitively at Eren.

“We should, uh...” He paused, taking a breath, closing his eyes. “We should leave tonight.”

“What? No no no, we have too much planning to do. First there’s over night stay, then things we need for the journey, and in case something happens to one of us...“

Armin’s voice droned on in the background, each time his voice came back up denting Eren’s proposition. Leaving tonight did sound reckless. But it also sounded terribly fun. Armin was a quick thinker; he could plan it all in a day, right? Or they could make it up as they go along, she thought. While their goal remained clear, the idea of making memories, and going on a road trip with her two best friends wasn’t an opportunity she could pass up. The idea was too attractive for her to ignore. Pictures, diary entries, memories, could all be made and left to be found once again one day.

“Okay,” She said boldly, shutting the door, making her word more effective.

 

* * *

 

 

“You guys are really stupid, you know,” Jean said, shutting the door of the green shitty car Armin owned. Armin rolled down his window passenger side, sighing.

“I completely agree.”

“Hey, it’s going to be fun!” Eren called from the trunk of the vehicle. He and Mikasa were placing suitcases in the back, only two. They didn’t need much for this trip. It was going to be short and sweet; hopefully not lasting longer than the weekend. Armin had planned route during his lunch at work, and because of this, Eren offered to drive.

Eren held the back door open for Mikasa, and she climbed in, making herself comfortable as the door slammed. She had decided to place herself in the middle seat, as she figured this way it would be easier for her to talk to the boys. Eren climbed in himself afterward, hands placed on the steering wheel.

Jean said his goodbyes to Armin, politely waving to Mikasa along with a wink, to which Mikasa pulled a face. Jean made his way over to Eren’s window to say goodbye, as Annie made her way up to Armin’s window to do the same. Even though they were going for literally two days, it felt like it was going to be forever. Perhaps Jean and Annie were worried about what would happen if their goal wasn’t achieved. They only wanted the best for their friends, and Mikasa could see this in the everyday gatherings they had, and she liked it.

Armin and Annie shared a goodbye kiss, which was met with rowdy behavior from both Jean and Eren. Mikasa had also picked up on the fact that Eren and Jean shared a very brotherly like relationship, in the fact that they fought a lot on the surface, but underneath it was clear they cared very deeply for each other. Despite this factor, it was also known to her that Jean was a bad influence n Eren, and that most of Eren’s childish antics were usually down to Jean. Mikasa was somewhat glad that he wasn’t coming along for the trip. 

The widow’s wound up, and Eren started the car engine. He pulled out of the small parking lot their block of apartments had, and as they drove away, Mikasa couldn’t help but look back. She seemed to do that a lot, and that wasn’t just for car journeys.

The first twenty minutes were in complete silence. For some reason, this one didn’t fit as well as the other silences had. Armin was reading, and Eren was focused on driving. Or not, Mikasa couldn’t really tell. She had her earphones in, and was listening to Day Wave, perfect songs for long car journeys. The lights on the highway flashed into darkness, and sleep pulled her in. She kept nodding off at first, her head bobbing up and down, showing her slipping in and out of dream land.

Eren had noticed this, and kept looking in the rear view mirror to check on her. He found it odd that she would already be sleeping, as it was only half seven, yet he guessed due to stress about this whole trip, was a main factor to take into consideration. Eren smiled to himself, because she looked pretty cute with her head bobbing up and down like that. She’d try and wake herself, but always end up failing. He looked at her a frequent amount of times for Armin to pick up on it.

“You like her, don’t you.” He said in a matter of fact tone, not glancing up from his book once. Eren immediately began to protest.

“What?! No! Also, I’d just like to point out that she is _right there, Ar.”_

“She looks like she’s dreaming right now, I wouldn’t worry about it, “He flicked a page. “Why would it matter if she was awake, you said yourself don’t like her, so there’s nothing to hide, right?”

Eren cursed Armin for being smart. He’d caught him out. Truth be told, Eren really didn’t know if he liked Mikasa. She was cute, yeah, and had a fun personality when she wanted, but he didn’t know if he liked her like that. He didn’t really want to focus too much into that quite yet. He had more obstacles to tackle first. Or maybe he was just denying himself of finding out the truth.

Eren looked back once more. Mikasa’s neck was at an awful angle, and she’d be in pain when she woke up. He voiced this to Armin.

“Next stop I see, I’m sitting in the back with her. Her neck is in a dangerous position right now; you don’t mind driving for a while, right?”

Armin sighed. “Yeah, okay. I’ll drive us to our first rest stop for the night.”

Eren nodded in approval. He pulled the shitty green car over in the emergency stop lane, getting out quickly to change seats. As he climbed in the back, he carefully moved Mikasa’s sleeping body to the side, so he had room to get in. Once Eren was belted up, He took Mikasa’s body and let her head nestle in his lap. She sub consciously tucked her legs up on the seat, and settled in his lap, returning to her dream, barely having any understanding of what just happened. Armin caught Eren smiling down at her, as he climbed in and belted up himself.

“And you say you don’t like her,” He said, adjusting the rear view mirror, as he was smaller than Eren.

“It’s not like that,” Eren mumbled, crossing his arms, being careful not to jog Mikasa. The car set in motion, as did Armin’s persistent nature.

“Then what is it like? Is it like before?”

Before. Eren had crushed on Mikasa before, in High School. Only Armin knew about it, and Eren never acted on his feelings. Partly because of their friendship, but it was mostly due to what happened that lessened his affections for her. It saddened him that it happened, because Mikasa was truly his everything at one point in his life. Now that she was here with him again, and she was actually _trying_ for redemption, made him feel like she was a lot stronger than she used to be, which may have been a factor in the possible reinstatement of his feelings for her.

 “No. I honestly don’t know yet, Ar. You know I’d tell you if I...If I loved her.”

Armin smirked a little; making a quick glance at Mikasa’s sleeping body. “A crush and being in love are two completely different things, Eren.”

“You would know,” Eren sighed, looking out the window at the passing trees that seemed to only be flashes of a dark green. He was referring to Annie.

“Well, I’ll be here when you figure it out. You know I will,”

Eren smiled in response, yet he wasn’t quite sure if Armin saw. “You’ll never guess what. She told me in the gym the other day, when we fucked off from the office that she used to like me. She liked me back, and I had no idea.” He said shaking his head, still looking at the flashes.

“I knew. I always knew. You’re just a dummy Eren, as blind as a bat. It was painfully obvious.” Armin said, giving a slight chuckle, glancing back, out of the window, ready to switch lanes.

“Figures you wouldn’t tell me. You respect people’s privacy way too much for that,”

“Yeah. Even if it is only you, I couldn’t. It goes against pretty much everything I stand for. As cheesy as it sounds, love just kind of figures it out. You don’t need to push it. Maybe me meeting Mikasa was fate. That’s what she keeps saying, anyway.”

Eren scoffed, looking forward at the road ahead. “She believes in that crap?”

“Eh, probably not,” Armin stated, shrugging his left shoulder. “I think it’s the fact that somehow, we came back into her life. She’s thankful for another opportunity like that, and she’s willing to call it whatever to give herself some kind of reasoning to why she’s been allowed this. She’s come far in a short amount of time, and I’m proud of her for that.”

“Me too,” Eren gazed down at Mikasa’s body slowly moving up and down. Fresh moonlight came in through the window, gracing and giving her face justice. Her mouth was parted a little; yet she didn’t dribble in her sleep. Lashes were placed upon soft, pale skin. She looked so fragile; like a porcelain doll; that could be broken any second. Seeing her be beautiful even in moonlight gave Eren the answer he needed.

He may not know his true feelings for her, but he would support her through this. It was only thing he could give her right now.

“Me too.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After stopping for a good night's sleep, Mikasa receives a phone call from her brother, and figures out the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I am like, not proud of this at all. It took me forever to write it, yet I just feel like it goes nowhere. I dunno, hopefully it's readable. Also *trigger warning* mentions of suicide and mental health issues. If you are sensitive to those things, feel free to skip over as it does not add to the story (really.)  
> Enjoy Chapter 10!

Chapter 10

It was about eleven at night when they finally stopped at the shitty motel they had mapped out. Eren hadn’t realized how far away this place was, yet as much as he would like to continue driving through the night, he knew it would be best to rest. The last sleep he had had was on a uncomfortable couch, if he could even call it sleep. Three to four hours of tossing and turning, and constant wake ups wasn’t exactly the beauty sleep he needed. The shitty couch wasn’t entirely the blame, though. He’d been thinking about the sudden turn of events in his life, and how _she’d_ made her way back into it.

Eren gently shook Mikasa, waking her with a sudden jolt of her head. It lifted slowly off of his lap, and when she became familiar with her surroundings, she blushed, fluttering her eyes and pretended not to realize that she had _just been sleeping in Eren’s lap._

Armin had left them in the car alone, to retrieve a room for them all. Mikasa stretched out in front of her, and then glanced out of the steamy window, rubbing her left eye.

“We’re staying here?” She yawned.

“Yep. Shabby place, I know. But we only need to sleep here. I don’t see why we don’t just sleep in the car, but Armin said-“

Mikasa rolled her eyes to meet Eren’s as she giggled. “That’s hardly ideal,”

“Well, you seemed to be coping just fine.” Eren said bravely, gesturing to his lap. She turned away, blushing. He had managed to make things pretty awkward, and Mikasa prayed for Armin to return soon.

Her prayers were answered, as the boot opened, and Armin called out for help. Eren and Mikasa got out of their respective doors, and went to help Armin carry in the bags.

Once they entered the incredibly small room, they each took the task of investigating the room. It was pretty dark, with the red curtains, that had holes them. The walls were supposed to be white, but where a creamy grey colour, which was off putting at the very least. It was also accompanied along with a few curious stains, which the trio didn’t even want to investigate. The carpet matched the state of the rooms; almost disgusting, but had a lot more stains on it. Mikasa began to wonder if they even cleaned here, at all. There was one double bed, and one single bed. Armin saw this, his eyes sparkling with opportunity.

He dropped the bags, sprinting to the one single bed placed nearly under the window. “Shot gun single bed!” He shouted, perhaps a little too loudly, as he jumped on the rickety bed. He gave Eren and Mikasa a grin that bared all of his teeth. They both shot him a look of fear mixed with death. Suddenly, a spring audibly popped from within the mattress. His bed began to sink lower and lower, while Mikasa and Eren let out laughs. Despite this factor, Armin didn’t regret his decision.

“I’ll take the not-broken bed, then!” Eren exclaimed.

 

* * *

 

 

Later on that night, after everyone had gotten in to bed and was supposedly sleeping, Eren woke to notice the room door slightly open. Armin was sleeping away in his broken bed, and you could tell because he snored, yet Mikasa wasn’t in front of him like she was before. Eren had decided to go to bed without a shirt, making Mikasa turn her back to him in the bed as it caused her to blush furiously, which Armin had voiced. 

Eren got out of bed as silently as he could; assuming Mikasa was the one who opened the door. Soon realizing his was shirtless, he grabbed his warm coat off the hanger near the door, placing it on himself before exiting the room.

Opening the door, he found Mikasa sitting wrapped in her coat, on the steps outside of their room. She was twirling her phone in her hand, looking at the ground. Her hair was tucked behind her ears, and Eren smiled, not seeing that for a while. The moonlight shined upon the car park in front of them, eliminating the shitty green car. For some reason, there were no street lights around here, which made everything that much more eerie.

Eren causally sat next to Mikasa, her not realizing that he was standing behind her. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Although his voice was soft and deep, it still made Mikasa jump. She placed her hand on her heart, slowing down her breathing. “Jesus, fuck Eren! I almost dropped my phone!” She un tucked her hair behind her ears, covering more of her face. Eren didn’t know why; she was beautiful. _Maybe its sub conscious thing,_ he thought.

“Heh, sorry about that.” Eren said apologetically, rubbing the back of his head.

“No, I couldn’t sleep in that shithole. It’s not like I needed to anyway, I got sleep on the way here.”

Mikasa took a quick glance at him, seeing him wearing his coat with no shirt on. She sighed. “You look ridiculous, by the way.” She said it in a tone that was supposed to come off mean, but ended up sounding empathetic.

Eren looked down at himself and shrugged. “Eh, no one’s gonna see me.”

“Except from me, does that make me a nobody?”  Eren just stared at her, the cogs in his brain turning slowly, not understanding the joke. “Sure as hell feels like I’m a nobody,” Mikasa muttered under her breath, even though Eren heard.

“Hey, cut that out.”

“Cut what out?” She said, turning her head to face Eren, who was looking out into the parking lot.

“Stop thinking that. That you’re no one to anyone. It’s not true,”

Mikasa sighed, joining his gaze into the dark, deserted parking lot. “Yeah well, I might as well be nothing after what I did.”

“Hey, what did I just say-“

“What if we don’t find it?” Mikasa turned her head sharply to face Eren, her hair flying around with her movements. Her eyes were wide as Eren looked at her, the moonlight consuming half of her face.

“Wha...?” Eren trailed off.

Mikasa realizing that she was too close, returned to her head to its original place. “What if...what if when we get there, we don’t find what we’re looking for? What if it’s all for nothing? What if you decide...to leave me again?” Her lest question was filled with pauses to hiccup.

Tears started rolling down her cheeks. Why did she always have to cry? So many people had told her she was strong, yet she could never believe it herself. Some say that crying was a sign of strength, that you’ve been holding in these feelings for so long, that once you let them out, it was okay. Mikasa never agreed with that. She’d grown up believing that once you cry, you’re showing that you’ve given up. If there was one thing that her parents taught her when she was young, it was to never give up. Yet she had. Countless times, and every single time, she felt as if she was failing them. It wasn’t like they were around to judge her, but it sure felt like it.

When she was sixteen years of age, her mother was admitted into a mental institution, because she had amnesia, and was slowing losing her mind. She was decided to be unfit to care for her children, and was taken into care. This made her Father depressed, and it didn’t help that he basically lived at the institution, seeing his wife everyday loose a piece of her mind or memory. Some days she couldn’t even remember who he was. Despite asking, Mikasa’s Father never allowed her or Levi to visit their Mother, knowing how badly it would affect them. It was tragic, but there was nothing they could do.

When Mikasa’s Mother passed, it led to complications between Levi and his Father, causing him to move in with Petra, and loose all connection with his family. He didn’t even say goodbye to Mikasa, all he left was his number, scribbled down on a piece of crumpled paper. At the age of nineteen, Mikasa finally had the courage to move out on her own, entrusting her Father that he would be okay by himself. She visited as often as she could, balancing her life and her job at the same time. Before Mikasa knew it, weeks had passed before she had seen him. When she went to her old family home, he was found dead in his bedroom. He had hung himself.

After a month of mourning, Mikasa finally decided to tell Levi. He said nothing other than the word “Oh.” That was last time she spoke to him for five years. Her life had been unkind to her; yet she had told herself for years that that was all she deserved. A phrase she had made had been stapled into her head. _This world is cruel._

Eren’s emeralds widened at her ridiculous thoughts. He slowly reached a hand out to touch her cheek. He wiped away a tear with his thumb, tracing over pale skin. It was just as soft as he remembered, and this made him feel happy.  Mikasa stiffened when he first touched her, but soon leaned into his hand, closing her eyes, recalling how always warm his hands felt. He was surprised she seemed so open to this, but didn’t protest.

Their bodies turned to face each other, shifting about on the not so cold step. Their knees entangled in one another, their faces close. Mikasa’s eyes opened, and Eren swears it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his life. 

“Mika, I swear to you, we’ll find it. Everything we’re here for, it’s waiting for us. It’ll be hard, for all of us, we know that. But afterward, we’ll be so much better off. You know that. And...” He paused, taking a breath.

“Mikasa, I’m never letting you out of my life again.”

“Eren...”

Their faces inched closer, breath tickling on each other’s cheeks. Mikasa’s arms slowly reached out behind his back, unsure if it was okay to do so. He looked up into her eyes, letting her know it was okay. She placed them delicately around his neck, letting them stretch out behind him. He shifted closer to her, as her heart raced a little faster. They were comfortably in each other’s company, as they titled their heads to the side ever so slowly, itching to feel each other, like how they never got to before.  A little bit further, then-

_Ba-ding._

They both paused, in the awkward position that they were in. Mikasa quickly retracted her arms, and pulled her phone out of her pocket, to which she hadn’t even realized she put in there. It was Levi, and he just started to call her. As much as Mikasa felt the urge to throw her phone in a bush and let Eren have his way with her, she couldn’t. She had to answer, it could be important. She also couldn’t believe how close she had gotten to losing her mind. She knew that once their lips touched, there was no going back. She’d fall head over heels for him; and she couldn’t do that to herself. Not again.

“I need to...uh...I need to get this,”

Eren stood up surprisingly quickly, blushing from the awkward tension that had risen. He rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, no I get it. I’ll...uh...b-be back in here, then.”

He lifted his hand a little, trying to make a wave, and trudged back inside, shutting the door, not locking it. Mikasa looked back after him, and sighed, answering her phone.

“Hi, Levi,” She answered with a sigh.

 _“Hey,”_ A husky voice greeted her.

She took the phone away from her ear, checking the time. It was exactly one am, and she rolled her eyes. “Do you have any idea what time it is?” She said, yawing for emphasis, as now she was tired. She placed the phone lazily against her ear.

_“Yeah. It’s one. Why, you weren’t sleeping, were you?”_

Mikasa shook her head. “Nope.”

_“Well, don’t start cracking at me, then.”_

She sighed once more, leaning against a wooden fence post next to the steps. “What do you want, Levi,”

_“Dunno. I can’t sleep.”_

Mikasa scoffed. He interrupted her, for this? Maybe it was for the better. She sighed once more. “You and me both, buddy.”

 _“Mind if I go first?” Levi_ asked, instinctively knowing there was something up with the both of them.

“Go for it.”

She heard shuffling about on the other end for about fifteen seconds, before it stopped _. “I’m just_ _so worried about Petra, like, what if she doesn’t pull through this. It’s eating up my life, I can’t eat or sleep properly, I can’t concentrate at work, I just...”_ A sigh from him this time. _“If something ends up happening to her, I wouldn’t be able to go on.”_

“You sound just like Dad,” Mikasa remarked in a soft, quiet tone. Levi grunted, not wanting to be referred to that man. “It’s true. No one wants to lose someone so important to them. How’s she doing in terms of recovery?”

_“Better. She’s not completely out of the woods yet, but she’s trying these drugs that haven’t been used before. It’s like she’s the test subject.”_

“Everything’s going to be okay. Petra’s strong, you know that better than anyone else. Those new drugs, I bet, will help leaps and bounds, just you wait.”

Levi huffed, yet Mikasa could feel his small smile. _“Yeah, I guess so. So, what’s up with you, then? What’s keeping you from dream land?”_

Another sigh escaped her lips, her breath being suddenly visible in the moonlight, which had moved due to time.

“So, we decided to go back to where the crash happened, and-“

_“Wait, you’re there now?”_

“What? No, of course not. But...I am currently sitting outside my motel room, wrapped up in my coat, thinking the worst. What happens if when we get there and we don’t get answers? Then what?”

_“What are you expecting to get? A pony? You going back there isn’t really going to change much of anything. This should be a chance for you three to try and make amends, whether you’re there or not. I can understand why you made that decision, but truth is, you may end up getting even more hurt. These so called ‘answers’ you’re looking for, aren’t there. It’s found in you. You’re the answer. It doesn’t matter where or how you do it, but you have to prove yourself, and apologise, like you mean it, Mikasa.”_

“That’s what everyone keeps saying but, it makes no sense.”

He sighed. Getting his point across would be more difficult than he first thought. _“All I’m saying is that you don’t need to stress out. When you finally realize what that means, everything will be so much clearer. There’s not really much else I can say,”_

He was right. Mikasa had no idea what he was on about, nor did she know when that strange old man, Hannes, told her. She hoped she would find out soon, as their destination was closer than ever before.

“Okay. And uh, while I was out here, Eren came out and we got talking, and we almost...we almost k-kissed,” Mikasa knew why she was stuttering. The prospect of her falling in love was inches away from her face, and that terrified her. Silence was the return she got, and she didn’t know if that was good or bad. She didn’t even realize.

_“Do you love him?”_

“I don’t know. I suppose I don’t get that choice, though,”

_“You’re right about that,”_

“Say...What was it like for you and Petra?”

Levi sighed, his smile stretching through the phone to Mikasa. _“Jesus, just thinking about that takes me back. I still remember it, clear as day. We were in art class; I know I know, sounds cliché, right? Well, she was sitting with her friends and I was sitting with mine. She was new there, and the fact she’d managed to make so many friends so quickly baffled me. I kept staring at her from across the room because she just looked so beautiful; and I constantly found her staring back every time I looked up at her. She smiled at me a lot during that lesson. Throughout the day, I caught glimpses of her, but I thought nothing of it, and moved on. I recall that day I had some shitty lesson last, so I skipped it. I was hanging out by the bike sheds when she came around the corner and bumped into me. She was crying because one of her new friends had said some mean things; you know, pointless girly dribble. But alas, I helped her out, and without me even asking she gave me her number. We just started talking from there, and I fell in love with the girl. And to my surprise, she fell in love with me too. One month and two awkward confessions later, we started dating. That’s it. It sort of just happened...you miss if it goes too quickly. You don’t get to choose when or how you fall in love, or even who you fall in love with; it doesn’t work like that. Sometimes it’s for the worse, and sometimes it’s for the better. Petra was the best thing to ever happen to me...Do you feel that way about Eren?”_

Mikasa sat in silence, contemplating everything she had just heard. Apart from being a beautiful story, or at least she thought so, everything Levi said was correct. She didn’t choose to fall in love with Eren back then; she just did. It didn’t even occur to her when she found herself spending extra amounts of time staring at him, or the butterflies she got whenever he was around, or how she laughed extra loudly when he said something funny. She just did those things, without thinking about it. That’s what love was, to her. Becoming the norm. After all the shit she’s dealt with in her life, Eren truly was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

“I do.”

_“Well, wouldn’t you know. I think it’s safe to say you’re in love with him.”_

Mikasa sighed, dropping her head down in defeat. Fresh tears started to roll out of her eyes. _Godammit,_ she thought. Her sobs didn’t go undetected.

_“Mika? Mikasa? Are you crying? Hey!”_

She wiped the falling tears from her eyes, and tried to make light of the situation. “I’m o-okay, really. I just...I just don’t want to be in love with him. I’d rather be his closest friend than anything else b-but...I can’t help but have these feelings for him. I don’t get a choice, but, godammit, I want that choice so bad! I wish...you were h-here...”

_“Why?”_

“So you could hug me...and tell me everything’s going to be okay...” Mikasa said in a weak voice.

 _“Well, I can’t give you a hug, unfortunately,”_ He added, which made her smile through her tears. _“But I can assure you; everything will be okay. It’ll all work out in the end, you’ll see.”_

“Yeah, I know,” Mikasa was curious of the time. She pulled up her phone, seeing it was ten to two. Her eyes widened at the time, figuring she should probably go to sleep.

“Thank you, for this, Levi. I best be going now, have you seen the time?”

Shuffling could be heard, until he spoke again. _“Crap. Yeah okay, I’ll be going too. See you-“_

“I love you,” She breathed out slowly, waiting to see if he would say it back. To her amazement, he did. It was only a quick mumbled little thing, and then the call ended, but she still heard it.

Yawning, she made her way back inside, slipping back into the double bed, after taking her coat off. She was glad to see Eren and Armin still sleeping. Eren had most of the covers, but she still managed to keep warm. Slowly slipping into dream land, Mikasa thought of her phone call with Levi, and smiled to herself, being glad he was the only one who knew of her true feelings for Eren.

Yet, she was mistaken. Eren’s eyes lit up, piercing through the darkness to look at her elegant back. He had heard every word of her conversation with her brother.

 

* * *

 

 

 After a hurried morning of getting ready, taking showers and a shitty breakfast consisting of a few, probably moldy pieces of fruit, and some breakfast bars that tasted like shit, they were on the road.

Eren had decided not act any differently around Mikasa, as he didn’t want her to know that he heard the conversation she had last night. He kept torturing himself by replying certain lines in his head.

_“I’m o-okay, really. I just...I just don’t want to be in love with him. I’d rather be his closest friend than anything else b-but...I can’t help but have these feelings for him. I don’t get a choice, but, godammit; I want that choice so bad!”_

Eren didn’t know how interpret this. She loved him, but she didn’t want to love him? Eren gathered that she wasn’t ready for rejection again... _but would he reject her?_ They had already fallen for each other once before, without realizing one another’s feelings, and he be damned if he was going to let that happen again.

Eren was driving once more, and the sun was flashing through the windows again. A sign that always brought joy to Mikasa’s heart. It was the small things in life like that that she never failed to miss. They were all laughing and joking around, yet Mikasa often had to take a small moment to appreciate how lucky she was, and how much fun she was having. They were currently deep in a game of would you rather.

 “Okay,” Mikasa finished her giggling. “Armin, it’s my turn to ask you...hmm, let’s see...”

Armin groaned, shaking his head in defeat. “I am sooo not ready for this,”

Mikasa began laughing at her own fucked question she just thought of. “Okay, okay I got one. Please forgive me...Would you rather get your anus ripped out by a giant scorpion, or get a blow job from a shark?”

The stunning silence was soon broken by giggles from all three of them. “Jesus, Mik!” Eren exclaimed.

“Oh my god...um, I guess the scorpion one?”

“Wait...what? The shark one would be better.” Eren protested, wide eyes focusing on Armin.

“Oh gee...I kinda need my thingy though, for you know, uh, reasons.”

Eren and Mikasa burst out laughing, getting his joke for once. “So Ar,” Eren began, focusing his attention on the road ahead. “How many times have you-“

“Ooookay guys, let’s steer this conversation away from my sex life,” Eren chuckled, as Armin turned to face Mikasa. “I have the perfect one for you, Mikasa.”

“Oh yeah?” She said playfully, raising her eyebrows.

“Yah. Would you rather...make out with Eren, or Jean?” Armin chuckled under his breath, while Mikasa blushed a little. He had said this to try and get back at her, and it looks like he had succeeded.

“I don’t really know Jean all that well, so I guess Eren?” Mikasa replied, letting crimson flush onto her face.  Armin had no idea that this would have been a reality last night, if Levi hadn’t of rang last night. She still couldn’t decide if it was for the better just quite yet.

“Oh, so you have to know a person to make out with them, huh?” Armin questioned jokingly, raising his eyebrows in an up and down motion. Eren was also blushing.

“It’s not like that...” She looked off to the side, still blushing. Armin had noticed the sudden awkward tension that had risen from seemingly nowhere.

“Okay, Eren?”

The game continued out for a little while, even though their hearts weren’t really in it anymore. Mikasa had shifted so her head lent against the window, the coldness hitting her a little harder than expected. Armin had told them all to look out for the plaque along this long highway, even though he himself was now reading a book. Eren was lost in thought, yet somehow managing to concentrate on the road. Mikasa herself wasn’t paying attention to the road, but rather the replying thoughts her in head.

All her feelings were mixed together in an awkward bundle, tied together with a loose piece of string. She couldn’t keep anything in order; especially her thoughts. One after another, they came and messed up everything. This is; she recalled she’d had this feeling before. When you couldn’t think of anything else except the person you’ve fallen head over heels for; this was love. The agonizing pain, of love. It would usually be a pleasant feeling; yet this time it felt gut wrenching as she almost doubled over in pain. The fact that she spent more and more time with didn’t help at all.

The car jolted a little, making the car take a small dip. Her head hit the window slightly; yet such a small bump caused her thoughts to jostle and lock in place. It was no use.  She had finally come to accept the fact that she loved Eren. She was hopelessly in love with him, and she knew it. She also came to terms with the fact that she knew she was wrong. What she did back then, was wrong. Her eyes widened as acceptance flooded over her, replacing her blood. She was wrong. Suddenly, everything Levi and Hannes said made sense. It all clicked.

Mikasa noticed a large, slightly damaged grey stone sticking out of the ground, and she squealed, making both of the boys jump.

“Stop!” She exclaimed, sitting up in her seat better.

“What?” They asked simultaneously.

“I saw it,” She paused, breathing out. “The plaque!”  

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After rage seeps through skin, Mikasa wanders into the forest to find what she's been looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyy, yo. I is back with another chapter. I haven't updated in like years, so have this thing. Whatever it is. Whatever it turned out to be.   
> Enjoy Chapter 11!

Chapter 11

Luckily, there was a small dirt space next to the plaque. Whether it was to be called a parking space or not was another issue; but the trio didn’t worry about that, as Eren parked the car in the space anyway. The dry dirt came up into the view from window, in a smoky form. Mikasa hadn’t even looked outside at the plaque, because it was so much closer to her than it was before. She didn’t know why it was so scary now, but she was shaking with fear as Armin looked back past his shoulder to give her a reassuring smile. Eren still had his hands glued to the steering wheel as the engine finally gave in and turned off. No one said a word, as everything had suddenly become so awkward.

Perhaps Levi had been correct; what were they doing here? It was making everything a lot harder than it needed to be. Just being in the familiar setting was already starting to creep them all out, flashing backs of the crash each coming into their separate heads. Their own private POV’s of hell. Clouds had begun to represent how Mikasa was feeling. They covered the sky in a grey mess. It was clearly going to rain later, she knew that much. She grew the courage to glance out of the window. A lifeless, grey stone stood still in a forgotten land of dirt. Pathetic dirt. This wasn’t how they should be remembered.

Mikasa had waited for this, basically her whole life. Yet, now she was here, she wanted nothing more than to run away and never look back. The memories she had hoped to create were nothing but pictures lost in her head, and her so called ‘redemption’ seemed as far away from here as ever before. What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to act? Should she cry? Or apologise? She didn’t know. She figured she would work it out when she got here; yet here seemed to give her no answers at all.

“Let’s go,” Armin mumbled, grabbing a hold on the almost broken car door handle, and making the bold steps to make Eren and Mikasa follow suit. They each got out of their respected doors, Eren for some reason trying to be quiet as possible. Whether that was out of respect or simply coincidence, Mikasa didn’t know.

As soon as her heel touched the floor, a drop of water landed on her cheek. She took her time to look up, realizing that it was ever so softly starting to rain. Grey skies became darker as the rain picked up pace.

She shuffled her way over to stand in between Eren and Armin, who were standing about three feet away from the plaque. It was a grimy stone colour, which clearly hadn’t been touched in years. Moss had covered most of it, yet the faint writing was just about visible. Cracks and holes were placed lightly across it, as it changed colour due to the pace of the rain. Mikasa read the words out in her head.

_In Memory of the children that lost their lives on the 12 th September 2016, this plaque stands in their honor. May they rest in peace. _

Mikasa thought they were such meaningless words, which had no pity behind them. Whoever wrote this probably didn’t even know what happened here.

Eren shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another, which she picked up on. He sighed, turning his head to her, eyebrows slightly furrowed. His hair was soaked, in fact, they all were, but none of them seemed to mind. “Are you just going to stand there and say nothing?”

The raven cocked her head slightly toward him in confusion. Perhaps being back here is what made her snap, or the fact that he had said it so rudely. “What do you want me to do, repent my sins? Christ Eren, there’s not much I can do,” She scoffed, folding her arms. “Maybe Levi was right.”

“What’s that suppose to mean? You’re being so disrespectful!” Eren retorted, looking back at the plaque.

“It means that we should of never have come here. I thought maybe if I came back here, I’d find some big answer to all my problems that as soon as I got here everything would feel better.” She sighed, and turned her whole body to Eren, uncrossing her arms. “But you know what? Everything feels the same. Nothing’s changed. I don’t feel any better, and all that’s here is some broken, left for nothing plaque, only to be glanced at when driving past. That’s all they’ll be remembered as. A good for nothing stone.”

Eren turned, looking incredibly annoyed, yet also heartbroken. This wasn’t the Mikasa he knew. She wasn’t the type to spout nonsense like she didn’t have a care in the world. The rain picked up, Mikasa’s black shiny hair sticking to her the sides of her face, her face neutral. How could she be so calm? Eren didn’t know what he was expecting when they got here, but it certainly wasn’t this. So, the anger replenished itself in him, and his eyes narrowed toward. He did the only thing he seemed to know how.

A wave of pain and tingles came over Mikasa’s cheek, as she lost her control and fell to the floor. Her legs became slanted as she heard a fuzzy cry of “Eren!” Coming from Armin’s direction. Her eyes were a little dizzy, and the first thing she refocused on was the rain gently hitting the ground. Thoughts came flooding back as did the rain. Eren had slapped her.

She tenderly held her cheek, as it stung a little. Her first response was to cry; so she did, hoping it would blend into the rain. Armin was shaking Eren, he too also being phased out a little. Mikasa wondered what he had to be shocked about. After collecting her senses, and the fact that she refused to let that slide, she stood up, wobbling a little.

Armin turned around with worried eyes, almost crying himself. Eren still stood stunned by his actions, looking at Mikasa, but not blinking or apologizing.

“Mikasa, let me look at your-“

“Don’t touch me!” She snapped, as Armin moved back a step to let Mikasa get right in Eren’s face.

“You know, it’s funny that the only way you can respond to things is with anger, and violence. I was told by someone that you’d changed, for the better. I’d hoped that you were thus brand new person, and things would go back to how they were, but clearly,” She moved away, stalking her way behind the plaque. She stood on the steep hill, taking her hand off of her cheek.

“Clearly I was wrong. You want answers from me? Fine! Fucking fine! I’ll go and get em’.”

Mikasa turned on her heel, and without looking back at a stunned Eren or a protesting Armin, she made her way carefully down the hill.

 

* * *

 

 

Leaves crunched underneath her feet as she stalked the damp forest floor. Leaves flooded the floor, being only damp as the trees obscured most of the rain. It felt grey and lifeless, like everything around her was dying. The only sound that seemed to compensate her frequent sobs was the sound of rain hitting the rather large auburn and green leaves and falling off to sometimes hit her. It was the trees way of comforting her the best they could, patting her with the rain that once soaked their leaves.

Mikasa was so sick of sleeping with regrets. Regrets that would one day kill her. She wasn’t brave, or strong she couldn’t cope at all, and this proved it. She picked up the pace, practically running and sobbing and screaming, all at the same time. Letting all this out, that had seemingly been kept for years. She howled and screamed, thrashing about. The trees watched on in horror, as she had the worst mental breakdown of her life. In all her confusion, she fell into a big pile of leaves that luckily cushioned her fall. Mikasa lay there for a while, catching her breath, not really thinking or focusing on anything, just the fact that her obsession with the rain was being met happily.

She began to sit up, when she realized her foot was in absolute agony. She cried out in pain, sinking lower into the leaves. The raven tried to investigate her injured foot, but she was wearing pretty tight jeans that would be hard to pull up her leg. She cried again, this time in frustration. Mikasa wasn’t familiar with her surroundings, and cursed herself for letting herself run off in a rampage this far into unknown territory. This was it. The end for her. At least, that’s what she thought, anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

“How’s your foot holding up, Mikasa?” Petra said in a soft and caring voice. She sat on the end of her bed, her legs crossed, arms in her lap.

“It’s okay, I guess.” Mikasa answered, looking out of her window that was right next to her bed. Her leg was in a small plaster, propped up with three pillows. The plaster could come off in a few days time, so she didn’t have to go to school, not that wanted or needed to, anyway.

The crash had happened almost a week ago, yet Mikasa still couldn’t sleep at night. It plagued her mind, mostly because she hadn’t told anyone what had happened. What had really happened. Yet, she hadn’t cried once since then. She felt she needed to but, no tears came out. She sat in her bed, like an empty shell, hollow with nothing left inside to take from her. Everything had hit her at once. Petra and Levi tried to make her feel better, but nothing cheered her up anymore. Her Father knew what had happened, but Mikasa hadn’t seen him in two weeks, and he hadn’t sent her a text. He was wasting away in hospital, just like her Mother was.

“Do you need anything, pet? A drink?” Petra asked.

”No, I’m fine.”

Mikasa truly did appreciate everything Levi and Petra were doing for her, yet she couldn’t show it. She hadn’t had a proper conversation with either of them since it happened; only speaking when she had to. Petra sighed.

“Look- I-I know it might not be my place to say, and I can’t imagine what you’ve been through recently. At all. But if you ever want to talk to me, or Levi, or just have a shoulder to cry on, I’m here, as well as he is. I understand that you need time to grieve but...I just can’t stand seeing you like this, Mikasa. I know it’s tearing your bother apart, too.”

Mikasa said nothing, as she continued to stare out of the window, only blinking. Petra sighed once more, fumbling with her hands at the lack of response. The door cracked fully open, and Levi slanted himself in the door frame.

“Hey Petra, do you mind if you come help me with the food shopping? The ass hole that’s supposed to run this house forgot to buy food, so it’s down to me. Fucking lucky I got a job spare, or we’d be fucked.” Levi only stared at Mikasa, eyes drooping at the realization that she hadn’t moved from her space.

After giving him a look that said, _don’t swear so much around Mikasa,_ Petra nodded, agreeing to help him.

“Yeah sure, I’ve just gotta get my shoes, and don’t forget you’ve got to drop me off at work later so we can’t be too long-“

“It was me.”

Mikasa’s voice stopped Petra’s train of thought. The quickly shot a look of confusion at each other, before returning to look back at black silky hair.

“What was you, sweetie?” Petra asked in a worried tone.

“It was me,” Mikasa repeated, turning around to reveal tired, lonely red eyes, her tears soaked with tears. “I crashed the coach....I killed those people....”

 

* * *

 

 

The rain still wouldn’t let up, and realizing they couldn’t just abandon her, Eren and Armin retreated to the shitty green car to wait for her to get back. This had been three hours ago, and darkness soon overtook the norm of grey clouds.

“Where is she...She should be back by now...” Eren huffed, not taking his eyes from the place she had disappeared into. Armin rolled his own pair, shaking his head.

“I still can’t believe you slapped her, Eren. Whatever happened to not hitting girls?” Armin said, looking up from his book to look still slightly wet brown fuzzy hair.

“I told you, it wasn’t my fault.” He answered nonchalantly.

“It clearly was, Eren. If you keep acting up like this, we’re going to have to get you help.”

He scoffed, turning his head half way to look at Armin. “You treat me like I’m some five year old,”

“Well, with the way your acting, I might as well! That was totally unacceptable of you to hit her like that! Can’t you see she’s a damaged girl? I mean, coming here was probably a really big step for her, and all she gets is a smack in the face.”

Eren sunk in his seat, sitting the proper way, face forward. “I know, I know. Stop making me feel worse, dammit.”

Armin sighed, closing his book and placing it on his lap. “What about anger management classes?” He asked, with a slight tone of worry in his voice. Whenever he brought this up before, Eren would always dismiss him, saying he was adamant he didn’t need it.  

“Yeah, sure, fine, whatever.” Eren mumbled.

Armin blinked, almost choking. “Wait- you actually want them for once? Are you sure?”

Eren sat back up again, turning himself to Armin with confident eyes. “I don’t want to hurt anyone ever again. Especially her.”

Armin nodded, keeping his smirk inside his own head. A few minutes of silence passed, the rain being the only one to speak to them, until Eren spoke again.

“I think I love her.”

Armin’s eyes widened, and then back down again. He shouldn’t be shocked; he knew already. And so did Eren. He wasn’t so sure before; but now, he knew. This whole trip had been an eye opener for him. Seeing parts of Mikasa he never thought he’d see again. Her cackle laugh. Her cry. Her thoughts. Her almost kiss face. Her smirk. Her everything. She was everything to him. And everything sunk into place; they had both been given another chance. Love was not finished with them before; it gave not just Mikasa a chance at redemption, but Eren also. It gave them both a chance to fall in love again; and they had.

“What are you doing just sitting there, then?”

“Wha...?”

Armin sighed. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned...Oh god, feel free to end me if this gets too cheesy. Until she thanked me that one day, Annie didn’t want to me, and we worked in the same damn place. I’d always kind of liked her, but of course, it’s me, I wasn’t going to voice that. Even after that shouting match, and even after we started being friendly, I had to fight for her. Love doesn’t just give people away. You have to really want it to have it, and you want her, don’t you?”

Eren didn’t even have to answer. He only sighed. Armin continued to talk. “You know what you have to.”

Eren breathed in, closing his eyes before nodding. He exited the car once more, bending down to hear Armin’s last encouraging words. He placed his hand on the roof of the car, other on the door.

“Call me if anything happens out there. Also, out of curiosity, what are you going to say to her?” Armin asked, reopening his book.

“I’m going to tell her exactly how I feel.”

 

* * *

 

 

His shoes were covered in mud, as he ever so carefully slid down the hill, one foot in front of the other. Eren tried hard not to let the thought pass his mind that he had tumbled down this hill in a coach before, and now, many years later, he was sliding down the same hill, yet out of choice this time.

As he finally reached the bottom, almost tripping in the process, the trees no longer seemed to block the rain, as it came down ever harder. Eren had difficulty seeing, and soon realized Mikasa had been out here like this for hours; she could be anywhere. He began to panic, even though he had only been in this forest for a minute, if that.

Eren had to get his phone out of his pocket and use the flashlight on his phone to navigate his way through the forest, hoping to not bump into any trees. Or dead bodies. As much as he would like to boast, Eren was actually quite scared of the dark. It didn’t help that he was about to get himself lost in a forest, to find a girl that he was in love with.

Familiar crunches could be heard under his feet, as his visible breath evaporated in front of him. He wanted to hurry up and find her as fast as he could, as the wind was picking up as well as the rain and night, recalling that she was only wearing that leather flimsy leather jacket. So he began calling her name.

“Mikasa? Mikasa! Where are you?”

In the distance, he barely just heard over the wind, a faint scream. He immediately picked up the pace, running toward the sound. As he kept calling for her, thoughts raced through his mind. What if it wasn’t her? What if it was some animal, or a monster? At this point, he couldn’t care. He had to know if it was her. His heart was racing, as he weaved in and out of trees, not caring that he was completely lost anymore.

“MIKASA!”

Suddenly, he screeched to a stop, it almost looking comical. Something was in front of him, and it was limping. His green eyes became emeralds as he heard the thing began to scream.

“I’M SORRY....I’m so...so...sorry...I...I...” Sobbing could be heard. It was a ‘something’. It was her.

“Mikasa?”

Her heard whipped around, and her face didn’t change from the sobbing mess he looked upon. She was leaning to her side, clearly being in pain. They stood, in front of each other, yet a little while away from a handshake.

“W-What do you want...round two?” She asked through sobs, now scowling at him.

“What? No! Mikasa, for god’s sake, it freezing out here, you’re soaked, and hurt. I’m here to help you. We’re going home-“

“No!” She snapped back, hugging herself. She looked like a mess, clothes not being far from disheveled, and her hair looking like rags. Almost a distorted memory. “I’ve been looking, Eren...for the answer. I haven’t found it yet...so I have to...I have to...” She trailed off.

“I have,” Mikasa looked up at him, her mouth parted a little, her pupils small. “It’s you.”

And that’s when everything hit her like a truck. All at once. She had been told countless times, that it was all her, and that she wouldn’t understand. But now; it all clicked. Everything made sense. She didn’t have to mumble apologies, or scream and shout. She just had to accept. And let how she really felt wash over like a late tide. Redemption wasn’t about just her. It was about him, too. It was about them, together. Love was their chance, and they took it. Grabbed hold with both arms, jumping in. She let waves of memories come over and over, as her pupil got smaller and smaller. She accepted what she did. It was wrong. But there was nothing she could do about it. Feeling bad was okay, but it shouldn’t have to ruin anymore of her life. That’s what this had been; loves little game. Her distraction. What made her sleep peacefully at night, and made her cackle laugh again. It was him. She had managed to forget everything when she was around him.

“Mikasa, I heard that conversation you had with your brother that night. It kept me up all night, how you wanted a choice. But now a realize, you do have one. You can listen to what I have to say, or we can walk back together in silence.”

Mikasa stood still, not moving an inch, not even to blink.  The rain continued to pelt down on them, wind rustling through the leaves, darkness surrounding them. Eren knew the answer to his question.

“I think...I think I’m in love with you, Mikasa.”

A few moments passed before she spoke. “I didn’t mean it like that. That whole choice thing, it’s just...I know- well, I thought I knew that your feelings would never be returned...so I wanted anything but to love you. But, I don’t get that choice. And I’m glad I don’t.”

Another moment of silence, aside from the wind and rain, which was finally showing signs of stopping. The wind died down, and the rain softened. Streaks of beautiful white light began to shine through the leaves illuminating Mikasa perfectly. She blushed, looking down, before slowly making her way over to Eren. It was with difficulty, as she shuffled to stop in front of him.

Mikasa bravely, held onto the top of his coat, and pulled it down to her level, slowly closing the gap between them. It was a light kiss, lips brushing gently against each other, briefly before Mikasa pulled away only slightly, to see his reaction.

He apparently hadn’t had enough time to close his eyes, as they were small, including his pupils. Eren looked into her deep blue misty eyes, and gave a genuine smile, showing off his teeth. Mikasa gave a small smile back, before wrapping her arms around his neck, leaning back in.

Eren dropped his phone, the torch still shining, making the soggy leaves a bright array of colours, as he wrapped his own arms around her waist. Their mouths tangled in one another, as they desperately tried to make up seven years of nothing. Mikasa had noticed how soft and warm his lips were, as their heads bobbed together, back and forth. All Mikasa could see was black, but she felt like fireworks exploding, as his tongue slipped into her mouth. Eren pulled her in tighter as he went deeper, and Mikasa didn’t protest. Their mouths had seemed to mold into one, and everything felt right.

Love had won.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At long last, they were together again.

Chapter 12

The walk back was the same comfortable silence that always managed to greet them. The wind and rain had finally settled, yet darkness had not. It still had a strong hold over the forest, leaving a blanket of darkness wherever trailed to next. Drops of rain that reflected nothing constantly dripped onto the auburn crunchy leaves that Mikasa and Eren traced along, trying to retrace forgotten steps. With an arm tightly wrapped around her waist, and her own arm slung over his shoulder around the back of his neck, the two paced themselves slowly throughout the damp dark and dingy forest. Despite how dark it was, and vulnerable they both seemed to be, neither of them were afraid. Mikasa seemed to feel Eren’s heartbeat pulsing throughout her own body, as they were pretty close together.

Heaving breathing was audible for both of them, and visible. Faint swirls of transparent air parted every few moments from each of their mouths, as they had finally managed to reach the hill they had once stumbled down. Mikasa looked up dauntingly at the hill, not in fear of what happened for once, but how she was going to get up there in her state. Suddenly, Armin’s voice could be heard.

“Eren! Mikasa! Please? Where are you?”

“Armin! Down here!” Eren responded, not wanting to leave Mikasa by herself. She didn’t have the energy to look up at Armin and Eren exchanging desperate words to each other, yet somehow found herself smirking at the thought of the kiss draining her last morsels of energy.

Before she knew it, Mikasa was being lifted up the hill, Eren pushing at her back and lower thighs, making her blush with the little energy she had left. She tried to climb up, grasping onto various bits of dirt and twigs, yet her efforts were minimal, as she kept slipping back down. They weren’t even half way up before an ever darker blackness came around her, as her eyelids slowly drooped forward, her mind giving into the faint.

 

* * *

 

 

Light poured into her field of vision, as well as the familiar flashes of it through clumped together trees. She was in a moving car; that much she could gather. And she was laying down, her head placed down on something warm and squishy, something she had felt before. Mikasa made a small noise, letting Eren know that she was awake. She looked up to find his face covered in a worried emotion.

“Mikasa! Thank god. Armin, she’s awake.” He said with a sigh of relief. Eren’s warm hand touched her forehead, to see if she was burning up at all. She started to blush when she realized her head was resting against his lap. “Are you okay, Mik? How’s your leg? Do you need anything?”

Mikasa tried to sit up, but felt incredibly weak doing so, so sunk back down into Eren’s lap, letting out a small sigh. “No, I think I’m going to be okay for now. Nothing hurts much anyway,”

“Anyway? What does that mean? Are you sure you wouldn’t like us to take you to a hospital or-“

“Eren! I’m okay, really!” His eyes drooped a little, yet he still gave a small smile. Mikasa felt a little harsh saying that, so softened her tone. “But thank you for caring about me, though.” She gave a small grin, and Eren’s face became animated again as he searched for her hand.

Their soft, warm hands found each other quickly, as Eren squeezed her hand tightly. It was the type of squeeze that felt like he was never going to let go again. And Mikasa had no problem with that.

Armin had noticed their sudden intimacy; of course he had. He smiled to himself, looking out onto the road ahead. “Something magical happened back there, I’m guessing.”

Eren blushed and was about to protest, before Mikasa spoke up first. “Oh yeah. Fairies came out and danced around us in a little circle, and I found a pot of gold. We even saw a unicorn.”

Eren laughed a full laugh, while Armin chuckled a little to himself. “Okay okay, I won’t pry. I just hope you two made the right choices out there.”

Mikasa looked up at Eren through her eye lashes, giving a small smile, which was returned. She recalled the kiss, and Armin was right. Although Mikasa wasn’t a sucker for that cheesy romance crap as she called it, it had been magical. Everything in her life had just fit into place, and love was her reward. She didn’t have to do anything difficult or scary; she just had to realize. And she had.

“We did,” Eren murmured, looking out of the window, at the passing cars. “We did.”

 

* * *

 

 

Returning home was a nice feeling, and Mikasa could call it home now. That felt even better. As Armin pulled the shitty green car up to the parking lot and pulled into a space, Mikasa sat up, stretching and yawning, still having a hold of Eren’s hand. Their hands had gotten a little sweaty, but neither of them minded.

Once they had all clambered out of the car, Armin called Annie to let them know they were home. Mikasa watched the joy on his face spread as he talked excitedly to her. She hoped things would be like that soon for her. Eren tugged Mikasa’s hand to the back of the car to help gather the things. He lazily pulled open the boot, as Mikasa reached in for her the first bag that came to her hand. Suddenly, she felt a small poke in her back, which made her squeak in surprise. She whipped her head around to find Jean standing there, with a grin on his face.

“Hey hey. How was the trip?”

“It was, uh...good?” Mikasa didn’t exactly know how to describe her experience. There had been lots of up and downs, so ‘good’ wasn’t really the right word to use.

Jean squeezed in beside Eren and picked up Armin’s bag. “Find what you were looking for?” He asked, as Eren shut the trunk with a slight slam. He immediately eyed Mikasa, as she smiled, grabbing his hand bravely as he blushed in Jean’s direction.

“Yeah, I did.” She said, smiling.

Jean’s eyebrows wiggled up and down, giving a slight chuckle. “Woah-ho, are you guys...you know?”

Mikasa didn’t say anything, and nor did Eren, mainly because they didn’t know. They had admitted to each other that they loved each other, but hadn’t actually established to each other what they wanted. Secretly, they both knew wanted to start something. They both wanted to see a beautiful relationship blossom, but neither could find the words to express their individual desires.

Mikasa shrugged, while Eren nodded in her direction. Jean nodded also, giving the thumbs up whilst disappearing behind the left side of the car. Eren giggled a little, turning his head back to Mikasa.

“Mikasa...what...what are we now?”

She gave him a meaningful stare, before blinking slowly. “I-I don’t know...”

Eren’s hand suddenly started to get very clammy, as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, although Mikasa thought it was cute. She gave him a confident smile. “Did you uh, maybe want to start dating or something? Or um, Mikasa, will you please be my girlfriend?”

After all these years, Mikasa certainly didn’t expect that she would get asked like this. Maybe on a rooftop in Italy, or atop the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Yet her dreams had always been exactly that; dreams. And they would stay like that, forever. Her dream had already come true.

“Of course I will,” She replied, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek afterward.

Eren wiped a little droplet of sweat, Mikasa noticing. She playfully shoved his shoulder. “What are you, a fifth grader? Grow a pair,”

“Still as mean as ever.” Eren sneered, practically dragging her around the shitty green car, following Jean’s forgotten footsteps.

“Oh come on, I’m not that bad!”

They turned the corner to see Armin and Annie reunited, hugging and smothering each other, Jean being a third wheel, like he always was, grouching and moaning. Eren laughed at the sight of it all, and Mikasa just smiled. She gave a genuine smile, a smile that could last for days, weeks, until her teeth turned yellow and her cheeks burned. She finally felt like she belonged somewhere.

 

* * *

 

 

Seven and five months of tortuous nothing. That’s all she felt for days, weeks on end. Weeks blurred into long, tiring months of nothing but mindless repetition. For seven years and five months, Mikasa Ackerman was dead.

She lived a lonely life, with no one there for her. Everyone she cared about had left her side after making as many mistakes as she had, no one giving her the chance she deserved, the redemption she thought she needed to have. Her memory was terrible, yet she remembered him as clear as day. His light tanned skin, and his amazing fashion sense, and...his eyes. His eyes were her everything. And her everything had been taken away from her.

Mikasa blamed herself entirely for everything she’d done, not letting anyone get to close to her in case they would be disappointed, or they left her. It scared her so much to a point where she had no one left. She lived like this for years, until she realized she didn’t have any money left, and would probably need a job sometime soon. She pleaded the council for any shitty job that they would give her, and she was blessed with the world of fiction at her fingertips. This didn’t help her at all, but it was a source of income, and she hoped she would be drugged onto author’s last words. Yet that wasn’t the case.

Then, the decision of one changed her life forever, definitely for the better.

After about a month of reliving the thing that she feared most in her life, she finally overcame it. She overcame her fear, because instead of talking, and babbling nonsense, she listened to what people had to say. That is something she will never regret. To overcome what she feared, she had to forgive herself. And her reward? Love. As cheesy as it was, that was all she needed. After seven years without another human touch, it felt nice to be loved once more, and she indulged in it as much as she could, because she couldn’t have it back then. She allowed herself to be spoilt, and that was something she could deal with.

Her mental health issues started vaporizing one by one, leaving her, and she wasn’t incredibly great full to Eren, Armin, Annie and Jean for helping her with this. The thing that she thought would help her- that shitty librarian job – was making her feel nostalgic, and by multiple requests, she quit that job, much to the council’s disagreement. She started working in a small flower shop nearby home, and grew to love the smell of the different flowers. Annie had also joined her in the job, and the two ran the place, selling flowers to old and new lovers everywhere.

Her relationship with Eren was going well. Taking things slowly, especially after everything that had happened with them, was the right thing to do, they both agreed. Sometimes he would greet her after work, or she would meet him after his work. He had managed to finally find a decent job, working as an assistant for some boss at a big cooperation. How he managed to pull that off often baffled Mikasa, but she never questioned his skills. It didn’t matter how anyway, as they were trying to scrape together some money to buy a place of their own, much as Armin and Annie had done so already. Everything was moving correctly, in the right direction. Everything fit well for each lifestyle.

And the best part of her ‘new life’ as she so called it, was the vow they had made. Every year, on the 12th September, the trio would make a trip to visit the plaque, and have a picnic right there on the dirt, and they could laugh and joke, and maybe even cry, and it would be okay because they would accept the presence of the people around them, the people who lost their lives that day, the people they knew they were there. And Mikasa wasn’t being selfish; no, she had Eren for that. She wasn’t selfish, or rude, or even upset. She was happy. So, so happy, that her life had turned around for the better. Happy that things had turned out they way they had. Maybe happy wasn’t even the right word, but Mikasa didn’t care.

Because as she sat in the car, next to Eren, with the window open, letting the air blow in her face, and letting her hair flow gently in the wind, and letting Eren hold her hand tightly and she stared up into the milky endless sky, she felt happy, because she appreciated everything just a little more than she had before. The things they didn’t get to see anymore; she saw it for them. It was that plain and simple. She was happy because they were together again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand there we have it! Thank you so so much to people who constantly supported this fic, it means the world to me. Seeing as it was my first one that was really ever properly posted, the response I got back was incredible! Much love to you all <3 I will most infidelity be posting a lot more in the future, as this has really helped me boost my confidence. Again, thank you all so much!


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